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Silent dagger chapter codex

Started by Naoki the curseblood99, January 29, 2017, 07:21:47 AM

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Naoki the curseblood99

Would anyone be willing to assist me making a codex for my fan made chapter?

Mabbz

Welcome to the forums! May I suggest posting in the Introduce Yourself board to say hello?

Yes we would. In my experience, posting up some house rules usually get a good response. Having said that, it would be a good idea to post some kind of background for the chapter first so that we know what kind of theme you're going for with the codex. You can post the background here if you just want to get the basic facts down, or if you want to write a full background worthy of it's own thread then this is the place to go.

Your chapter would have to be fairly unique among the space marines to warrant a full fan-codex though, so depending on your background it may be easier to simply write a set of Chapter Tactics rules for them, and maybe make a custom unit or two.

Naoki the curseblood99

Well there is several reasons I want to make them their own separate codex is because 1.their a renegade space marine chapter and 2 they do not follow the codex astartes in the slightest bit 3 they use reverse engeneered xenos technology

Narric

This resonates with my old chapter idea :3

First thing that comes to my mind is which Xenos they're reverse engineering from. To ensure the chapter sounds reasonable, and avoid sounding overpowered or ridiculous, you should decide who you're nicking your gear from.
Considering Orks don't make working tech, which xenos race were you considering? Necrons, Tau, Eldar.

Then you should explore their reasoning. Were they beyond assistance from the emperium for a prolongued periodof time and had no choice to scavenge and cannibalise? Or was it because the chapter overcame the subtle brainwashing of the emperium?

Once you have these background items figured out, it will be easier to build your chapters' identity.

Looking forward to seeing how this develops :3

Naoki the curseblood99

#4
That's why i would like someone to help me with it with writing it
I would show you what I've done so far but i don't know how to upload it here from Microsoft word
BUT I could copy and paste it

Narric

Use the Copy/Paste function. Select the text you want to copy over, Ctrl+C and paste it into your next reply to the thread with Ctrl+V :3

Be the easiest route without you hand copying it by eye :3

Naoki the curseblood99

ok here's what i've done so far: Codex:  Adeptus Astartes : Silent daggers
The Silent daggers are a Raven guard successor chapter with ties to the former ties to the inquisition.  Founded in the 4th founding to serve the imperium of man however they were declared renegade after they disobeyed the text that is the Codex Astartes.  Their home world is the feral death world of Aquali inhabited by abhumans considered, pure enough to be used as neophytes for the chapter but, due to this heritage they are shunned by many of the imperium's forces. These abhumans are known as aqualyans however due to their adaptive biology combined with the space marine enhancements, they are the perfect survivors capable of surviving in the most lethal worlds. Their gene seed is flawed with a malfunctioning ossmudula which while it makes the auqalyan strong as your average space marine they do not grow as large as said space marine instead they grow to the height of an eldar, other than this they do not suffer any other flaws. They fight in the same way as their primogenitors the silent daggers striking from the shroud of darkness with bolter and dagger. Now in the 41st millennium the silent daggers are fighting the foe that is chaos.
CHAPTER ORGANIZATION: Chapter command council: the chapter command council is comprised all of the clan chieftains and the head members of wise clan, mender clan, loyalty clan and forge clan who work together to lead the chapter in its many wars and conflicts
clans: there are six clans in the chapter:                                                                                                 
1st clan:  This clan is comprised of 1 blade chieftain, 1 loyal chieftain 1 wise chieftain, 1 forge chieftain, 1 bone chieftain and 15 squads of chief guard.                                                                                         2nd clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord, 1 loyal blade, 1 wise one, 1 blade forge, 1 bone mender and 15 squads of sky blades.                                                                                                                         3rd clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord, 1 loyal blade, 1 wise one, 1 blade forge, 1 bone mender and 15 squads of far blades.                                                                                                                            4th clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord,1 loyal blade,1 wise one,1 blade forge,1 bone mender and 15+ blade watch.                                                                                                                                                          5th clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord,1 loyal blade, 1 wise one,1 blade forge,1 bone mender and 15+ blade guide                                                                                                                                     Dreadnoughts: there are currently 2 dreadnoughts in service, which will not be replaced.                                                                   Outcasts: there are currently 7+ outcasts in service                                                                                       Armoury: there are currently 6+rhinos, 6+razorbacks, 7+whirlwinds, 9+land speeders, 25+ Valkyries and 60+ servitors                                                                                                                                                                                    Fleet: there are currently ?+ battle barges,?+ strike cruisers,?+hunter class destroyer squadrons, ?+gladius class frigate squadrons, ?+nova class frigate squadrons ?+ thunderhawks
AQUALI: Aquali is a horrific place to live to the point that the population of the planet had to evolve into abhumans just to survive in this environment. The planet is composed of mostly water with several small islands with frequently join together only to break apart months later if not years. The waters of this planet change temperature during each season from boiling hot to frosting cold. The predators are more than eager to feast on the populace, even the creatures the feral aqualyans must hunt to survive can slay any man even a non-armoured adeptus astartes would barely be able to slay such a beast. There are numerous tribes and clans of said aqualyans who must kill one another just to survive, few of the even grow to the age of 20 let alone 30+. the children and infants rarely survive to their teen years let alone adulthood. Some clans and tribes are slain to merely one man these men or women are forced to survive on their own often choosing to die fighting but some manage to barely live the rest of their lives in solitude until their inevitable deaths. These horrific conditions often turning these men and women into true survivors, worthy of serving the imperium of man. In the depths of these oceans are many valuable minerals which have been used by the Silent daggers to build much of their gear. The people of this world are silent hunters using the art of stealth to survive and adapt to their environment, while eager for the kill, they still understand that patience is critical in this art.
The Dagger: The Dagger is the fortress monastery of the silent dagger which is hidden in the depths of Aquali's oceans. The fortress is heavily fortified and shrouded in void shields, being specifically designed to keep anyone from the vicious predators lurking in the depths of these waters. Originally on the former home world of the chapter, Secretus. the chapter designed the fortress monastery to be easy to relocate in case of emergencies which eventually, that emergency did come at the hands of a imperial strike force of adeptus astartes led by the Inquisition .   
Defence platforms: Hidden around the oceans of Aquali and its orbit are numerous defence platforms designed to defend the planet from any form of threat. The amount of defence platforms is unknown.
Mining facilities: Scattered around aquali's depths are 5 mining facilities are mining facilities where aqualyans are tasked with mining in these waters. This work is horrifically dangerous casualties are very high but despite these dangers the workers accept this anyway.
Neighbouring planets: there are two neighbouring planets with Aquali in the Aria subsector who have sworn to serve the chapter after they were saved from a chaos raid by the renegade chapter.
Scorn: Scorn is a hive world where the 79thScorned bloods Storm Trooper Company and the True blood imperial knight house which both share the Aria subsector with the silent daggers. The world is where the chapter gets its navigators and astropaths as the planetary governor is in their debt The world is a hive world with a rather severe crime as well as poverty, but they work with the Silent daggers after the imperium abandoned them to the chaos raid while the Silent daggers saved them from this attack.
Ilosis: Ilosis is a small forge world which supplies the silent daggers along with othe the forge world builds weaponry and armour out of the unique materials from Aquali for the chapter. They have crafted new weapons and gear as they have used stolen or given xenos tech such as the chameleon module which allows their armor to shroud them from sight working similar to cameoline.
Recruitment trials: The trials to become a blade guide of the chapter are brutal to the extreme, there are 5 stages the hunt, the catch, the vision and the change.
The hunt: The first trial is the hunt where the aspirants are ordered to hunt down and bring the head of the deadliest land predator on the world that is Aquali the infamous beast that is the Claweye these abominations are the size of the genestealer patriarch with claws that are covered in a horrifyingly powerful acid allowing to melt through armour of a land raider, they are intelligent and have 5 eyes that see in thermal allowing them to track the warm blood of its prey. It's has two weakness it can be poisoned by the only land creature that it cannot devour let alone kill the poisoned blooded serpent as its name implies its blood is filled with a poison the poison is highly toxic and can bring a space marine to his knees. The Claweye's other weaknesses is fire. Only one which is skilled in stealth and cunning could bring such a beast down.

The catch: This is the second trial where the aspirants must catch one of the many aquatic prey animals of the planets oceans, the aqualyan shrimp which lives in the waters of the feared, sea of despair this is the breeding grounds of the auqalyan bezerker shark, creatures so bloodthirsty and mad this creature is that it will lash out on those of their own blood. The aspirants are ordered to catch the shrimp from these waters all of the aspirants must dive in or be thrown in by the astartes watching them. The aspirants must then evade the bloodthirsty predators while searching for their prey most of the aspirants are torn to shreds by the frenzied predators if the aspirant survives the trial he is taken out of the water by the astartes watching and prepared for the next trial.
The vision: This trial is where the wise ones of the chapter use their abilities to test the aspirant's loyalty and mental fortitude the wise ones all show a vision where it tests their loyalty to those they aspire to join. They proceed to show all the things they can do with the power an astartes can wield if the aspirant even dares to desire that they can use that power for personal gain they die a swift and agonising death as their minds burn from psychic fire unleashed by the enraged wise ones. They test the strength of their will and determination along with their bravery if they are found lacking they die swiftly from their minds bursting. If an aspirant is deemed worthy, they are taken to the next trial.
The change: The change is the final trial which is where the aspirant begins their transformation into a silent dagger the organs are implanted to the aspirants almost like other chapters but unlike other chapters the black carapace is given to them along with one unique implant, The mask of silence.
The mask of silence: this is the final implant that makes a silent dagger different from the other chapters. The chapter implant the mask of silence to every recruit, this implant replaces the bottom jaw and vocal cords with this device.it fulfils several roles such as being an emergency kill switch to prevent the enemies of the chapter from getting valuable intel, a gasmask for environments without oxygen or filled with gasses that the multi lung cannot inhale safely, allowing the warrior to silence themselves to remain undetected. There are flaws with this implant such as having to have the food they eat made into a liquid to feed on, when the kill switch is triggered the warrior dies an agonising death and Most recruits die from this implant those few who survive have now become silent daggers. As a result of all these trials recruitment for the silent daggers is slower than even the raven guard but this makes certain the those who survive are truly skilled survivors.
Battle for the Aria subsector: The Aria subsector for four millennia had stood under the protection of both the 79th Scorned bloods storm trooper company and True blood knight house but, one century before the cursed founding, two warbands who of which made an alliance and they chose the Aria subsector for their sacrifice to their wretched foul gods. These two warbands were the Blades of despair and the Sons of horror. The two warbands knew that they were too far out to be saved by imperial reinforcements and that there were few if any defenders. Both warbands outnumbered the both the Scorned bloods company and True bloods knight house.  After five years of planning they attacked assaulting the planet in a swift attempt to take over the planet. The Blades of despair used psychological warfare picking the defenders off one by one bringing despair to the storm troopers while the blood thirsty Sons of horror targeted the True bloods assaulting them viscously with Heldrakes striking from the skies while Defilers moved in for the kill. Meanwhile in orbit the traitors' ships bombarded the hive cities but, suddenly several ships arrived. These ships had done a warp jump in an attempt to escape from the Inquisition, the now renegade Silent daggers had entered the system on the traitors' flank. Upon seeing the traitors attacking the hive world the silent dagger proceeded to attack the traitors sending terminators aboard the flagship of the warband that was the Sons of horror via teleportation. They then sent drop pods down to the planet while the vengeful remains of the chapter fleet moved in for the kill deciding if they must die then they would die fighting. As the pods, which contain survivors of the assault on their former home world fell to ground upon the heretics, the Scorned and True bloods who survived look upon the pod raining down with renewed hope, the traitors on the other hand instead of cowering in fear they looked at the with an eager lust to kill knowing they would be make great sacrifices and rushed to where the pods landed only to find nothing there little did the traitors know they being watched. The Silent daggers proceeded to fight the traitors from the shadows working with the remains of the True bloods knight house and the Scorned bloods storm trooper company to exterminate every traitor from the planets soil while the alliance of three groups purged the traitors from the ground the chapter fleet continued their battle in the planets orbit. In a desperate attempt to stop the silent daggers terminators from attacking their flag ship the Blades of despair opened fire with everything they had at Sons of horror flagship destroying the ship and killing everyone on the ship Silent dagger or Son of horror all were killed. This resulted in the Silent daggers losing the last remains of the chapter's terminator armour. The Blades of despair fled leaving their ground forces to die as the alliance of the Silent daggers, True bloods and Scorned bloods mopped up what was left of the traitors. At the end of the battle the planetary governor approached the chapter council thanking them for their help asking if there was any way he could pay their debt to them, after two hours of speaking to one another the council, governor, and the leaders of the Scorned bloods and True bloods came to an agreement, this sector was now the home of the Silent daggers and was no longer part of the imperium which did nothing to help them.



Mabbz

Sorry I took a little while to reply, I've had a busy couple of days. Firstly, I've done a little formatting for you, since BBcode makes copying directly from Word a little annoying.

Quote from: Naoki the curseblood99 on January 30, 2017, 07:07:38 AM
Codex:  Adeptus Astartes: Silent daggers
The Silent daggers are a Raven guard successor chapter with ties to the former ties to the inquisition.  Founded in the 4th founding to serve the imperium of man however they were declared renegade after they disobeyed the text that is the Codex Astartes.  Their home world is the feral death world of Aquali inhabited by abhumans considered, pure enough to be used as neophytes for the chapter but, due to this heritage they are shunned by many of the imperium's forces. These abhumans are known as aqualyans however due to their adaptive biology combined with the space marine enhancements, they are the perfect survivors capable of surviving in the most lethal worlds. Their gene seed is flawed with a malfunctioning ossmudula which while it makes the auqalyan strong as your average space marine they do not grow as large as said space marine instead they grow to the height of an eldar, other than this they do not suffer any other flaws. They fight in the same way as their primogenitors the silent daggers striking from the shroud of darkness with bolter and dagger. Now in the 41st millennium the silent daggers are fighting the foe that is chaos.

CHAPTER ORGANIZATION:
Chapter command council: the chapter command council is comprised all of the clan chieftains and the head members of wise clan, mender clan, loyalty clan and forge clan who work together to lead the chapter in its many wars and conflicts
clans: there are six clans in the chapter:                                                                                                 
1st clan:  This clan is comprised of 1 blade chieftain, 1 loyal chieftain 1 wise chieftain, 1 forge chieftain, 1 bone chieftain and 15 squads of chief guard.
2nd clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord, 1 loyal blade, 1 wise one, 1 blade forge, 1 bone mender and 15 squads of sky blades.
3rd clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord, 1 loyal blade, 1 wise one, 1 blade forge, 1 bone mender and 15 squads of far blades.
4th clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord,1 loyal blade,1 wise one,1 blade forge,1 bone mender and 15+ blade watch.
5th clan: This clan is comprised of 1 blade lord,1 loyal blade, 1 wise one,1 blade forge,1 bone mender and 15+ blade guide
Dreadnoughts: there are currently 2 dreadnoughts in service, which will not be replaced.
Outcasts: there are currently 7+ outcasts in service
Armoury: there are currently 6+rhinos, 6+razorbacks, 7+whirlwinds, 9+land speeders, 25+ Valkyries and 60+ servitors
Fleet: there are currently ?+ battle barges,?+ strike cruisers,?+hunter class destroyer squadrons, ?+gladius class frigate squadrons, ?+nova class frigate squadrons ?+ thunderhawks

AQUALI: Aquali is a horrific place to live to the point that the population of the planet had to evolve into abhumans just to survive in this environment. The planet is composed of mostly water with several small islands with frequently join together only to break apart months later if not years. The waters of this planet change temperature during each season from boiling hot to frosting cold. The predators are more than eager to feast on the populace, even the creatures the feral aqualyans must hunt to survive can slay any man even a non-armoured adeptus astartes would barely be able to slay such a beast. There are numerous tribes and clans of said aqualyans who must kill one another just to survive, few of the even grow to the age of 20 let alone 30+. the children and infants rarely survive to their teen years let alone adulthood. Some clans and tribes are slain to merely one man these men or women are forced to survive on their own often choosing to die fighting but some manage to barely live the rest of their lives in solitude until their inevitable deaths. These horrific conditions often turning these men and women into true survivors, worthy of serving the imperium of man. In the depths of these oceans are many valuable minerals which have been used by the Silent daggers to build much of their gear. The people of this world are silent hunters using the art of stealth to survive and adapt to their environment, while eager for the kill, they still understand that patience is critical in this art.
- The Dagger: The Dagger is the fortress monastery of the silent dagger which is hidden in the depths of Aquali's oceans. The fortress is heavily fortified and shrouded in void shields, being specifically designed to keep anyone from the vicious predators lurking in the depths of these waters. Originally on the former home world of the chapter, Secretus. the chapter designed the fortress monastery to be easy to relocate in case of emergencies which eventually, that emergency did come at the hands of a imperial strike force of adeptus astartes led by the Inquisition .   
- Defence platforms: Hidden around the oceans of Aquali and its orbit are numerous defence platforms designed to defend the planet from any form of threat. The amount of defence platforms is unknown.
Mining facilities: Scattered around aquali's depths are 5 mining facilities are mining facilities where aqualyans are tasked with mining in these waters. This work is horrifically dangerous casualties are very high but despite these dangers the workers accept this anyway.
- Neighbouring planets: there are two neighbouring planets with Aquali in the Aria subsector who have sworn to serve the chapter after they were saved from a chaos raid by the renegade chapter.
Scorn: Scorn is a hive world where the 79thScorned bloods Storm Trooper Company and the True blood imperial knight house which both share the Aria subsector with the silent daggers. The world is where the chapter gets its navigators and astropaths as the planetary governor is in their debt The world is a hive world with a rather severe crime as well as poverty, but they work with the Silent daggers after the imperium abandoned them to the chaos raid while the Silent daggers saved them from this attack.
Ilosis: Ilosis is a small forge world which supplies the silent daggers along with othe the forge world builds weaponry and armour out of the unique materials from Aquali for the chapter. They have crafted new weapons and gear as they have used stolen or given xenos tech such as the chameleon module which allows their armor to shroud them from sight working similar to cameoline.

Recruitment trials: The trials to become a blade guide of the chapter are brutal to the extreme, there are 5 stages the hunt, the catch, the vision and the change.
- The hunt: The first trial is the hunt where the aspirants are ordered to hunt down and bring the head of the deadliest land predator on the world that is Aquali the infamous beast that is the Claweye these abominations are the size of the genestealer patriarch with claws that are covered in a horrifyingly powerful acid allowing to melt through armour of a land raider, they are intelligent and have 5 eyes that see in thermal allowing them to track the warm blood of its prey. It's has two weakness it can be poisoned by the only land creature that it cannot devour let alone kill the poisoned blooded serpent as its name implies its blood is filled with a poison the poison is highly toxic and can bring a space marine to his knees. The Claweye's other weaknesses is fire. Only one which is skilled in stealth and cunning could bring such a beast down.
- The catch: This is the second trial where the aspirants must catch one of the many aquatic prey animals of the planets oceans, the aqualyan shrimp which lives in the waters of the feared, sea of despair this is the breeding grounds of the auqalyan bezerker shark, creatures so bloodthirsty and mad this creature is that it will lash out on those of their own blood. The aspirants are ordered to catch the shrimp from these waters all of the aspirants must dive in or be thrown in by the astartes watching them. The aspirants must then evade the bloodthirsty predators while searching for their prey most of the aspirants are torn to shreds by the frenzied predators if the aspirant survives the trial he is taken out of the water by the astartes watching and prepared for the next trial.
- The vision: This trial is where the wise ones of the chapter use their abilities to test the aspirant's loyalty and mental fortitude the wise ones all show a vision where it tests their loyalty to those they aspire to join. They proceed to show all the things they can do with the power an astartes can wield if the aspirant even dares to desire that they can use that power for personal gain they die a swift and agonising death as their minds burn from psychic fire unleashed by the enraged wise ones. They test the strength of their will and determination along with their bravery if they are found lacking they die swiftly from their minds bursting. If an aspirant is deemed worthy, they are taken to the next trial.
- The change: The change is the final trial which is where the aspirant begins their transformation into a silent dagger the organs are implanted to the aspirants almost like other chapters but unlike other chapters the black carapace is given to them along with one unique implant, The mask of silence.
- The mask of silence: this is the final implant that makes a silent dagger different from the other chapters. The chapter implant the mask of silence to every recruit, this implant replaces the bottom jaw and vocal cords with this device.it fulfils several roles such as being an emergency kill switch to prevent the enemies of the chapter from getting valuable intel, a gasmask for environments without oxygen or filled with gasses that the multi lung cannot inhale safely, allowing the warrior to silence themselves to remain undetected. There are flaws with this implant such as having to have the food they eat made into a liquid to feed on, when the kill switch is triggered the warrior dies an agonising death and Most recruits die from this implant those few who survive have now become silent daggers. As a result of all these trials recruitment for the silent daggers is slower than even the raven guard but this makes certain the those who survive are truly skilled survivors.

Battle for the Aria subsector: The Aria subsector for four millennia had stood under the protection of both the 79th Scorned bloods storm trooper company and True blood knight house but, one century before the cursed founding, two warbands who of which made an alliance and they chose the Aria subsector for their sacrifice to their wretched foul gods. These two warbands were the Blades of despair and the Sons of horror. The two warbands knew that they were too far out to be saved by imperial reinforcements and that there were few if any defenders. Both warbands outnumbered the both the Scorned bloods company and True bloods knight house. 

After five years of planning they attacked assaulting the planet in a swift attempt to take over the planet. The Blades of despair used psychological warfare picking the defenders off one by one bringing despair to the storm troopers while the blood thirsty Sons of horror targeted the True bloods assaulting them viscously with Heldrakes striking from the skies while Defilers moved in for the kill. Meanwhile in orbit the traitors' ships bombarded the hive cities but, suddenly several ships arrived. These ships had done a warp jump in an attempt to escape from the Inquisition, the now renegade Silent daggers had entered the system on the traitors' flank.

Upon seeing the traitors attacking the hive world the silent dagger proceeded to attack the traitors sending terminators aboard the flagship of the warband that was the Sons of horror via teleportation. They then sent drop pods down to the planet while the vengeful remains of the chapter fleet moved in for the kill deciding if they must die then they would die fighting. As the pods, which contain survivors of the assault on their former home world fell to ground upon the heretics, the Scorned and True bloods who survived look upon the pod raining down with renewed hope, the traitors on the other hand instead of cowering in fear they looked at the with an eager lust to kill knowing they would be make great sacrifices and rushed to where the pods landed only to find nothing there little did the traitors know they being watched. The Silent daggers proceeded to fight the traitors from the shadows working with the remains of the True bloods knight house and the Scorned bloods storm trooper company to exterminate every traitor from the planets soil while the alliance of three groups purged the traitors from the ground the chapter fleet continued their battle in the planets orbit.

In a desperate attempt to stop the silent daggers terminators from attacking their flag ship the Blades of despair opened fire with everything they had at Sons of horror flagship destroying the ship and killing everyone on the ship Silent dagger or Son of horror all were killed. This resulted in the Silent daggers losing the last remains of the chapter's terminator armour. The Blades of despair fled leaving their ground forces to die as the alliance of the Silent daggers, True bloods and Scorned bloods mopped up what was left of the traitors.

At the end of the battle the planetary governor approached the chapter council thanking them for their help asking if there was any way he could pay their debt to them, after two hours of speaking to one another the council, governor, and the leaders of the Scorned bloods and True bloods came to an agreement, this sector was now the home of the Silent daggers and was no longer part of the imperium which did nothing to help them.

Now, on to the rules themselves. So far, most of what I'm seeing looks like it could be represented by the standard Space Marine codex with Raven Guard Chapter tactics. You mentioned that the Silent Daggers use Xenotech, but I don't think you've said with aliens they got their tech from.

I'm also interested in the Aqualyans. The only difference between them and ordinary marines that I can see so far is a height difference. Are there any other differences that could be worked into the codex? As an example, they sounded quite aquatic, so perhaps they could have modified armour and biology that lets them treat water features as open ground instead of difficult terrain. A fairly useless rules perhaps, but it adds character.

Beyond that, there's plenty of rules that could be made due to their renegade nature. Obviously they shouldn't be battle brothers with other Imperial armies, and they might not have access to all the standard Space Marine units. Removing units gives an opening for you to come up with new units to fill in the gaps. For example, if you are using Tau tech then Centurians could be replaced by some form of Tau-Space Marine hybrid battlesuit.

Your thoughts?

Naoki the curseblood99

Strong points there, plus excellent ideas!
Could you give me more ideas please?
Plus i'll explain which units represent what units in codex astartes
Blade chieftain=1st company captain
Loyal chieftain =Head Reclusiarch
Wise chieftain=Chief Librarian
Forge chieftain=Master of forge
Bone chieftain=Chief Apothicary
Chief guard=honour guard/veterans
Blade lord, =captain
loyal blade=chaplain
wise one=librarian
blade forge=techmarine
bone mender=apothecary
far blades=devastator marine
sky blades=assault marine   
blade watch=veteran scouts
blade guide=scouts
outcast=similar to the lone wolves                                                                                                                                                                   

Narric

 My concern is that Aquali sounds too unstable and unforgiving to really sustain a Space Marine force.

From your lore as written:
QuoteThe planet is composed of mostly water with several small islands with frequently join together only to break apart months later if not years.
Rapid tectonic activity like this, by itself, would mean almost no space above the water level on the planet is habitable for long without regular and recurrent terraforming. The islands wouldn't connect, they would slide into over and under each other.

QuoteThe waters of this planet change temperature during each season from boiling hot to frosting cold.
This is interesting, and somewhat reminds me of Crematoria from the movie Chronicles of Riddick. This is a good point to include, and i'll explain while further down.

QuoteThe predators are more than eager to feast on the populace, even the creatures the feral aqualyans must hunt to survive can slay any man even a non-armoured adeptus astartes would barely be able to slay such a beast.
Predators that require a fully armoured space marine to take down? and this is what the populace of Aquali must hunt to survive? This has a nugget of potentiall, but as written alongside heavy casualties would decimate the human populace potentially long before it was the Silent Dagger's Chapter world.

QuoteThere are numerous tribes and clans of said aqualyans who must kill one another just to survive, few of the even grow to the age of 20 let alone 30+. the children and infants rarely survive to their teen years let alone adulthood. Some clans and tribes are slain to merely one man these men or women are forced to survive on their own often choosing to die fighting but some manage to barely live the rest of their lives in solitude until their inevitable deaths.
Death Worlds are already kill or be killed worlds, adding a fuedal human society to that is overkill. Tribes fighting between each other for sparse resources does make sense however.

QuoteThese horrific conditions often turning these men and women into true survivors, worthy of serving the imperium of man. In the depths of these oceans are many valuable minerals which have been used by the Silent daggers to build much of their gear. The people of this world are silent hunters using the art of stealth to survive and adapt to their environment, while eager for the kill, they still understand that patience is critical in this art.
So heavily ingrained survival instincts, along with a penchant for stealth.

Right, lets makes some suggestions.

A heavily tectonic world would be almost impossible for humans to settle on. Instead, keep the seasonal ocean temperature, and use that as the cause for almost constant planetary storms like typhoons. This would create a people who are very resilient, and able to change their plans as a moments notice depending on how quickly storm cells form. These are excellent attributes for potential space marines.

Instead of the populace having to Hunt the planets' apex predators, consider that before humans settled on the world, there would have been prey for it. It would make more sense that the humans domesticated these prey animals, and so feel under constant attack by the predators. Depending on what these predators actually look and behave like, it could be written that as a child reaches their 10th birthday, they must go out and survive beyond the city/settlement walls to prove they are worthy of being part of the clans, this would also highlight potential candidates to the Space Marine recruiters. Those that fail this trail would obviously be killed, and so only strong humans would return.
You can still have the Apex predators be a threat even then, as the trail would ensure the child can survive in the wild by quickly learning and adapting to stealthily traverse the terrain.

The populace needs to be self-sustaining in order to even survive, and doubly so to be a recruiting world for a space marine chapter. Considering that neophytes are chosen from around the age of 13 to be inducted into the Chapter, a large enough portion must be declined in order for the world to be sustained.
Considering the above paragraph, those that survive their trails but are not selected to become marines would be highly valuable warriors, and would likely be trained still by the chapter to act as a planetary defence force. This would greatly improve the longevity of the populace. Keep in mind, it likely wouldn't be enough for the populace to push back against the nightmarish predators, but enough to protect themselves.

Which leads us into the clans this world likely has due to the humans originally surviving like nomads, as they would have had to keep on the move to avoid the predators. Fights, skirmishes, and outright battles would likely have occured at some point for settlements to be established. this can also feed into the different marine squads, and how they're trained, as different clans would have survived in different regions, and so would become specialised in different methods of combat, hunting, and survival.





I like the aspect of the Outcasts, but you haven't explained or explored them enough in your lore yet. A Lone Wolf which you compare them to is the sole survivor of his pack being destroyed. He is geared with the best weaponry.
An outcast on the otherhand is more likely been thrown out of their group, for some infraction or maybe just not being able to work in a team. I'd imagine they would have a "Keep what you kill" mentallity to weaponry and wargear, and along those lines likely the earliest adopters of Xeno-tech in the chapter.





Your initial trails are flawed.
The first one by your original description is basically a suicide mission. How can a teenager hope to hunt and kill one of the planets apex predators without any of the marine enhancements? This Trail would see a quick end to the chapter.
The second trail is interesting as it highlights that the chapter would have a proficiency in underwater combat. This could easily be respresented by treating any terrain feature with water as open ground, as Mabbz suggested earlier.
The third trail is understandable, hopefully by this point the aspirant would have been put through some conditioning, otherwise this trail would see a high fatality count.
The fourth trail is alright, and works with pre-established lore that even going through the process of being augmented can break an aspirant.
The Mask of Silence is interesting. It basically supersedes a couple of the organs a marine would be implanted with, probably making them redundant. The ability to commit suicide at will seems a bit extreme, and at present there seems to be very little about the chapter that would warrant it. Keep in mind if they're captured by an inquisitor, there is a very high likely hood that even death will not keep them quiet. Its flawed in that as the last implant that it can outright kill an aspirant. This shouldn't be the case, as it would quickly be removed from the augmentation list to ensure a higher recruitment survival rate.





The Battle for the Aria Subsector sounds great, and works well to introduce why you'd include Storm Troopers and Knight Errants in an army.





Now onto rules.

Shorter height and likely greater flexibility from underwater combat training would easily be represented by a +1 buff to their Initiative or Attacks, or some sort of reflex save. However, you'd have to balance it out by making them less proficient somewhere else. Usually the trend is faster hitters have lower strength, and harder hitters are slower.

As you've yet to tell us who they're taking xeno-tech from, we can't suggest much for what to do with wargear unfortunately. However, I'd suggest having a higher number of blade based weapons to work with their greater speed/agility/flexibility. guns would be best if they could be used one-handed, with exceptiong for you Far Blades whom I'd guess would have more Harpoon-themed weaponry alterations.

I'd assume your Librarian would have very aquatic/naval inspired powers, such as psychic harpoons, and summoning surrounding water to create tidal waves on land.

thats what I have to say for now, but just keep in mind its just my point of view ;)

Mabbz

Hmm... A couple of fluff questions just occurred to me. Firstly, since this is a renegade chapter, not aligned with Chaos or the Emperor, do the Aqualyans have any of their own religions? Knowing that could add some interesting background, as well as providing some idea for Psychic Powers.

Secondly, do you have any ideas for what these apex predators are actually like? I'm wondering if - under rare circumstances - it might be possible for them to be captured alive and used in battle in some way.

Anyways, rules wise I don't have much to add from what Narric has said so far, but he did inspire me to come up with a few ideas:

Wargear:





Weapon
Range
S
AP
Type
Harpoon
-
User
5
Melee, Hammer of Wrath
Power Harpoon   
-
User
3
Melee, Hammer of Wrath
Spear Gun
12"
4
6
Assault 1, Hooked
Hooked: If a unit successfully wounds an enemy with a weapon with this rule in the Shooting Phase, they may re-roll one or both dice when determining Charge distance against them in the subsequent Assault Phase.




Psychic Powers - Aquamancy:

Primaris: Water Burst (Warp charge: 1)
Water burst is a Witchfire power with the following profile:



Range
S
AP
Type
Water Burst
12"
5
-
Assault 3, Strikedown

1: Boggy Ground(Warp charge: 1)
Boggy Ground is a Blessing that targets the Psyker. While the power is in effect, all enemy units treat all terrain, including open ground, within 12" of the Psyker as difficult terrain. Skimmers, Flyers and Gliding Monstrous Creatures are unaffected.

2: Downpour(Warp charge: 1)
Boggy Ground is a Malediction that targets a single enemy unit within 24". While the power is in effect, the affected unit suffers a -2 penalty to their Ballistic Skill (to a minimum of 1).

3: The Vision (Warp charge: 1)
The Vision is a Blessing that targets the Psyker. While the power is in effect, enemy units will only hit the target on To Hit rolls of a 6 in close combat.

4: Connected Waterways (Warp charge: 2)
Connected Waterways is a Blessing that targets the Psyker and his unit. Remove the target unit from the board. It is then placed immediately in any water feature on the board, and may act as normal from that point onward.

5: Flood (Warp charge: 2)
Connected Waterways is a Conjuration with a range of 36" that creates a lake no more than 6" in diameter. This lake is treated as difficult terrain for the rest of the game, and may used as a destination for the Connected Waterways power.

6: Tsunami (Warp charge: 2)
Tsunami is a Nova power with the following profile:



Range
S
AP
Type
Tsunami
12"
4
-
Assault 6, Strikedown

Naoki the curseblood99

#11
Excellent ideas
also they have a religion believing in the goddess of night Narsi who is the one responsible for their mutations as she saved the humans stranded on the death world that is Aquali by doing this
but i agree with your points on the lore would you be willing to aid me in fixing these?
and the xeno tech they use is stolen from the tau
I thank you for your criticism

Narric

If I help with lore you'd have to give me a few days. I have college work to catch up on first :3

Tau tech combined with Space Marine tech is an interesting combo, and sort of plays into the more aquatic themed Aqualyens. What scale of tau tech are we dealing with? Small arms like pulse rifles and the odd Battlesuit weapon, or access to a large number of non-special issue wargear?

The introduction of this god character is interesting, and could play well into the psychic powers that Mabbz put forward.

Naoki the curseblood99

#13
very well then feel free to take your time
the outcasts are unique as they are basically aqualyans reborn as her form of demons after being killed in combat  here's some of their rules think of them sort of like the legion of the dammed
Narsi's servant: A unit with this rule gains the daemon and shrouded special rules
Born of night: If a unit with this rule has the Infiltrate special rule and if the nightfighting rule is in play the unit with this rule can infiltrate anywhere on the board as long as the unit is out of sight and is 12" away from an enemy model.
Outcast: This unit cannot join or be joined by any other unit.
and heres a rule for the silent daggers themselves (note outcasts have these rules as well)
Aqualyan mutations: A unit with this rule gains the following rules Acute senses, Amphibious and Night vision.
here's some of their wargear:
Ghost camouflage: Built from xeno's technology the Ghost camouflage module is a piece of equipment only the silent daggers wield allowing their troops to blend into their surroundings but, there is several flaws it only requires the black carapace to operate meaning the recruit must survive having the organ implanted along with the rest of the organs required to become a silent dagger. Another flaw is it works less effectively with power armour but the stalker armour works well with it due to a lower amount of armour plating is used for it meaning less armour to shroud from sight allowing cameoline to deal with the non-armoured areas. A unit in stalker armour equipped with ghost camouflage gains the stealth rule a model in power armour or artificer armour only gain a +1 to cover if out in the open they gain a 6+ cover save.
Stalker armour: Built out of materials from Auqali and modified cameoline this armour aids the chapters blade guides and blade watch to do their tasks out of enemy sight. The armour unlike carapace armour uses the black carapace thus making it different to traditional scout armour. Stalker armour gives the wearer a 4+ amour save and +1 cover save  out in open terrain them a 6+ cover save.

also the aqualyans are feral abhumans
Hunting rounds: These rounds are used by the silent daggers to deal with or track major threats. They are issued only to the blade watch and the outcasts. There are three types of rounds only one of each type of round is given to them as they take time to replace and they are ordered to use them sparingly. Each aqualyan boltgun-armed or sniper rifle armed model in a blade watch, chief guard or an outcast unit automatically comes with several special ammunition types.  Each time one of the three units fires, the controlling player can choose which type of ammunition is being used.  Each special ammunition type replaces the aqualyan boltgun or sniper rifle profile with the one shown here. All models in the squad must use the same ammunition type during that shooting phase.
Name          Range  Strength  AP    Type
Traitors bane    45"        -          2   Heavy 1, Gets Hot! Fleshbane, One use only
Night's wraith     40"       8        2    Heavy 1, Gets Hot! Armourbane, One use only
Prey's scent   50"        -          1    Heavy 1, Tracked*, One use only
*A weapon with this rule always wounds or glances on a 4+ if the target is wounded or penetrated instead of losing a wound or hull point it gains the Tracked* rule.
*A unit with the tracked rule if fired by a unit with the Aqualyan mutations special rule they reroll failed to hit rolls of 1.
also i need help making characters for the chapter i've made one who i am named after i've made a back story and profile for him but, i fear he could be considered a Mary sue




Mabbz

Quote from: Naoki the curseblood99 on February 03, 2017, 05:15:02 AM
very well then feel free to take your time
the outcasts are unique as they are basically aqualyans reborn as her form of demons after being killed in combat  here's some of their rules think of them sort of like the legion of the dammed

Narsi's servant: A unit with this rule gains the daemon and shrouded special rules
Born of night: If a unit with this rule has the Infiltrate special rule and if the nightfighting rule is in play the unit with this rule can infiltrate anywhere on the board as long as the unit is out of sight and is 12" away from an enemy model.
Outcast: This unit cannot join or be joined by any other unit.
I'm a little confused by the "Born of Night" rule. Mostly because it doesn't appear to do anything; Infiltrate alone already lets you deploy anywhere more than 12" away providing your enemy doesn't have line of sight.

Quote from: Naoki the curseblood99 on February 03, 2017, 05:15:02 AM
and heres a rule for the silent daggers themselves (note outcasts have these rules as well)
Aqualyan mutations: A unit with this rule gains the following rules Acute senses, Amphibious and Night vision.
here's some of their wargear:
Ghost camouflage: Built from xeno's technology the Ghost camouflage module is a piece of equipment only the silent daggers wield allowing their troops to blend into their surroundings but, there is several flaws it only requires the black carapace to operate meaning the recruit must survive having the organ implanted along with the rest of the organs required to become a silent dagger. Another flaw is it works less effectively with power armour but the stalker armour works well with it due to a lower amount of armour plating is used for it meaning less armour to shroud from sight allowing cameoline to deal with the non-armoured areas. A unit in stalker armour equipped with ghost camouflage gains the stealth rule a model in power armour or artificer armour only gain a +1 to cover if out in the open they gain a 6+ cover save.
Stalker armour: Built out of materials from Auqali and modified cameoline this armour aids the chapters blade guides and blade watch to do their tasks out of enemy sight. The armour unlike carapace armour uses the black carapace thus making it different to traditional scout armour. Stalker armour gives the wearer a 4+ amour save and +1 cover save  out in open terrain them a 6+ cover save.
So to clarify, the Ghost Camoflage gives stealth to models in Stalker armour, while giving +1 cover to models in any other armour? Why not just say it gives stealth to everyone? Mechanically, it appears to be the same thing.

Quote from: Naoki the curseblood99 on February 03, 2017, 05:15:02 AM
also the aqualyans are feral abhumans
Hunting rounds: These rounds are used by the silent daggers to deal with or track major threats. They are issued only to the blade watch and the outcasts. There are three types of rounds only one of each type of round is given to them as they take time to replace and they are ordered to use them sparingly. Each aqualyan boltgun-armed or sniper rifle armed model in a blade watch, chief guard or an outcast unit automatically comes with several special ammunition types.  Each time one of the three units fires, the controlling player can choose which type of ammunition is being used.  Each special ammunition type replaces the aqualyan boltgun or sniper rifle profile with the one shown here. All models in the squad must use the same ammunition type during that shooting phase.
Name          Range  Strength  AP    Type
Traitors bane    45"        -          2   Heavy 1, Gets Hot! Fleshbane, One use only
Night's wraith     40"       8        2    Heavy 1, Gets Hot! Armourbane, One use only
Prey's scent   50"        -*      1    Heavy 1, Tracked**, One use only
*A weapon with this rule always wounds or glances on a 4+ if the target is wounded or penetrated instead of losing a wound or hull point it gains the Tracked** rule.
**A unit with the tracked rule if fired by a unit with the Aqualyan mutations special rule they reroll failed to hit rolls of 1.

Also I need help making characters for the chapter i've made one who i am named after i've made a back story and profile for him but, i fear he could be considered a Mary sue
I like the idea of special ammunition, but this seems pretty overpowered. If you don't tone it down a little, you'll need to make this quite expensive. Even with One Use Only, Night's wraith could potentially one-shot a Land Raider (especially since you implied that these could be taken by an entire squad, not just a single model). I'd say easily 30 points per model. Alternatively, making a single Character (or evena a named Special Character) with these rules could be fun. Kinda like having a Vindicare assassin equivalent.

Also, ranges are usually multiples of 6". Here's the current rules re-written with a couple of modifications to formatting and ranges and such:

Wargear:





Ammunition
Range
S
AP
Type
Traitor's Bane
36"
1
2
Heavy 1, Fleshbane, One Use Only, Gets Hot!
Night's Wraith
24"
6
1
Heavy 1, Armourbane, One Use Only, Gets Hot!
Prey's Scent
48"
X
2
Heavy 1, Sniper, Tracked, One Use Only, Gets Hot!

Tracked: If a unit suffers an unsaved wound from a weapon with this rule, All subsequent shot made against that unit may re-roll To Hit rolls of 1 for the rest of the Shooting Phase.