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Viking Saga - Old Vs New - Saga of Zaru

Started by Narric, October 01, 2012, 08:09:23 PM

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Narric

Up first is the original. A short "Saga" written as a History homework piece, about 10 years ago. Its god-awful. Got a C+ though :P



Zaru The Murderous
Zaru was going into by herself, with her trusted weapon called Slasher (to ends with an axe and spear at one end of a very long pole). When the battle began it theirs was a clash of blood shed. After an hour Zaru's enemies were dead except for the Jarl. Zaru got on one of the enemy houses and before the Jarl could he was struck down by an axe.



Zaru: Warrior Woman
The Viking settlement had held out for three months when Zaru could take the stalemate no longer. Her husband and children had been killed in the most recent skirmish. The farm was in shambles. Though she wished to see her husband again in Valhalla, she chose not to sacrifice herself at the Solstice Festival. Standing up at the first light, before the sun started to rise, and whispering a prayer to Odin to lend her strength. Picking up her Husband's Battle-axe, Zaru left the wrecked Farmstead, and walked, alone, to the perimeter gates. No Warrior dared stop her, for her face was stone with ditermination, and her choice had becoe known to the whole village when she was not present at the Soltice Festival.

The Gate slowly opened for her, revealing the no mans land that lay between the village and the raiders. Many trees had been smashed, burnt and chopped down so that the raiders could fire arrows and catapult rocks at the ill-defended village. As Zaru drew closer to the centre of the lands, the first arrows struck. Each a warning to her to not step closer. Undetered, she continued. Every arrow barely missing her thin frame. Once she covered half the remainign distance, the catapults were loaded and fired. Now she started to run.

The earth around her exploded as giant rocks fell around her. Her feet guided her away from danger. She coiuld nearly see the eyes of her foes. As the first foolish man stepped forward with a hefty sword, she jumped, and dived toward him. Despite her light weight and lack of strength, she felt little resitance as the axe she held in both hands cut through the man's neck. His body still walking forward, without a head. The next foe was gutted like a well-fed pig, his chainmail barely saving him from the biting edge of Zaru's axe.

The light of the sun finally penetrated the cold clouds. Rays of light illuminated the Raider camp. One hundred man lay dead, the rest fleeing before the fury of a warrior so slight, yet so vicious. The Cheiftain of the Village strode forth with four of his best (living) men. And until the day they died, they could never describe the carnage they saw. What they could say, was the visage of the Warrior who ended it all. They had found her, sitting atop an upturned cauldron. Her breath so quiet and slight they nearly took her to be dead also. Until she looked up to the cheiftain. Without a word, she stood up, and walked away, following the trail of the raiders. As she walked down the hill, before she was lost from view, the clouds opened, and it began to snow.




Well, what do you think? Definate improvement on the original.

Comments & Criticism welcome ^_^