Orks Gone Wild! [The RP Thread]

[Ravager Zero]

Cunnin' Roll: 11 vs C5
Krumpin' Roll: 6 vs K16
'ardness Roll: 14 vs A14

Gorksal couldn't really see anyfing inside da humie wagon, but 'e could tell it was tryin' ta get away. No tankbusta worth his bomms ever let one get away. So, wiv dat in mind, Gorksal primed a Tankbusta bomm, wun ov two he carried everywhere, and threw it wiv all his considerable orky strength at da wagon. It landed with a satisfying clang on top o' the wagon, a little left o' the shooty gubbinz. Da tankbusta bomm exploded wiv a noise loud enuff to wake Gork himself, and bright pillar of fire and melty-stuff dat would've impressed Mork too. Of course, Gorksal had no idea if it did anyfing to da wagon, but it looked like it worked.

[BigToof]

Well...
The madness all comes apart in short order.

Zaagblitz manages to throatcut one of the Guardsmen who was trying to get away from Duck, who was busily beating one poor sod to death with the body of another.

And the Chimera is... well...

'Eadbusta fires his Zzap! right into the front of the once mighty vessel, shearing a great big hole in it.

Into which Gorksal throws his Tankbusta bomb.

The resulting cataclysmic explosion shatters the tank, throwing bits everywhere.

Gorksal, make an 'Ardness/Cunnin' test as shrapnel scythes into your general area.

There is one last, poor, poor Guardsman who throws down his gun and tries to beg for mercy.

I... have no idea as to what you all want to do with him.

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As for what is going on after, roll Cunnin'.

Anybody who makes it will make out some kind of hummie talkin' from the remains of the chimera.

Anybody who makes it by -2 will realize that it's their comm system and not actually just strange voices coming up from burnt out scrap.

And if anyone makes it by -5, they'll hear something about "reinforcements" and "artillery"

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Feel free to talk amongst yourselves, I'll write when I can, but will be sporadic over the weekend.

Happy early holidays to all!

Best,
-BT

[Ravager Zero]

'ardness Roll: 12 vs A14
Cunnin' Roll: 9 vs C5

Gorksal laughed maniacally as bitz of wagon pattered off his thick green skin like steel rain. The tiny marks they left were a mark of pride. A tankbusta dat didn't 'ave some scars wasn't worth his rokkits. Gorksal listened to the crackling from da humie wagon, wiv da odd bang as somefing minor exploded again. He'd also 'ave to 'ave a talk wiv da wierdboy

[The Man They Call Jayne]

'Edbusta grinned maniacly as the Chimera erupted in flames and screaming 'umies. Still, there was one survivor, and a good Boss 'ad to be clever about dese fings.

He walked over the the cowering wreck of a man and picked him up bodily and shook him roughly.

"Were are da rest of ya? Who's ya boss? Wat wagons you got? 'Ow many boys? If you tells us all dat, I'll let you go back to 'em and my boys won't krump you 'ere and now! Gots it?"

[Roll for luck in questioning = 3d6 ? [4,6,1] = (11)]

[BigToof]

The poor man blubbers in your mighty green grasp and says something like (but actually far less intelligable due to fear/incontinence):

"L...  Lord Morgan Brandywine!  He owns this township.  W...  Wagons?"

He looks kind of crosseyed,

"Uh...  I just... helped put together a wagon yesterday.  I think our town has... one per family...  Maybe twenty?  I think Josef had a boy last winter, so uh... I think thirty?  There's uh... some more PDF with guns though.  They uh...  probably will be coming soon.  Maybe you can let me go and we'll call it even?"

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Best,
-BT

[Mabbz]

Cunnin' roll: 8 vs C16

Ducktape ignored the surrendering humie as he heard something in the remains of the tank. His scowl deepened as he heard the comm system talking about artillery. He wandered back to coward, shoved 'Edbusta out of the way and picked up the soldier. He took him over to the chimera.

"Your mates were sayin' somefing about artillery. I 'eard 'em on da comm in your wagon. Now you're gonna tell 'em it aint needed, or I'm gonna start pulling out all your bones, one by one. Got it?"

[The Man They Call Jayne]

'Edbuster scowled at Ducktape as he dragged off the pinkskin. Still, he had some information to use. He wasnt too sure what a Peedeeeff was, but dey 'ad shootas. So that was something they would get rid of soon. An' 30 wagons! Some part of 'Edbustas brain told him that the 'umie 'ad misunderstood what a wagon was. Families didn't 'ave wagons, clans did. Warbands did. And Bosses, like 'im!

Den dere was da matta of Boss Bradnywine. What kind a name was that? 'Oo was gonna be scared of a pansy name like that. Still, A Boss was a Boss, and Bosses dat weren't 'Edbusta got krumped!

[BigToof]

The Guardsman nods so violently it looks like his head might fall off.
He whets his lips, gingerly picks up what is left of the comm and says,
"Uh... Command?  This is... Guardsman Baleweaver, over?"
The comm crackles back,
"Confirm that Guardsman.  Repeat, are you in need of fire support, over?"
Baleweaver takes a look back at the Orks all surrounding him.  Somehow, he suspects that the PDF posters have all lied to him at this point.

"Uh, no.  No, we're... ok.  The Chimera..."

Baleweaver took a moment to look around the still sizzling remains.

"Uh...  The Chimera took some... damage.  We're... considering repairs."

The comm paused for a moment,

"Alright Guardsman, keep us informed.  And if your Lieutenant doesn't give us a report himself next time, we will make note of it.  See you back at the celebration.  Over."

The Guardsman looks back at you all expectantly.

"Uh...  I... did what you said...  Can I go now?"

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[The Man They Call Jayne]

'Edbusta marched in again.

"Celebration is it? Wots that for then? And then you can go."

[Mabbz]

He turned back to the pinky. "Oi, wot was you sayin' about dis 'pee dee eff'? Wot guns dey got?"

[BigToof]

The Guardsman did the best he could with the two green mountains of destruction barking questions at him:

"Uh... the celebrations for the Brandywines.  They've been in charge for years.  Lots of drinking.  Food.  Girls.  That sort of thing... uh... you know?  The PDF?  The uh... planet...  planetium uh...  The guys like me who signed up for a uniform and a fast way to impress girls.  They have some guns, they just give us lasguns.  I swear none of us thought it was gonna be serious.  I mean, it took us all day just to get the Chimera to turn over and...  Uh...  you really are going to let me go?"

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[The Man They Call Jayne]

'Edbusta grabbed the man and threw him towards the settlement. "You start running 'umie. Boys! Get ya shootas ready! Lets see how far he makes it!"

Either they would kill 'im or not. If they did, they could sneak up on dis big party. If they didn't, da 'Umie would warn 'em that Orks were comin' and they could get into a proppa scrap right away! It was win-win far as 'Edbusta was concerned.

[Mabbz]

Ducktape had been planning more or less the same fate for the humie, but since 'Ed had beaten him to it he decided to have a go himself. Ripping the head off a nearby corpse he lobbed it at the fleeing pinkskin Sadly, he'd never been much good at aiming, so the head soared over the guardsman's head (probably giving him more of an incentive to run faster.)

[Will's on Fire]

Before the guardsmen could get too far Zaag leapt at him intent on killing him.

Krumpin: 7 Vs 12

"You can't let dem gits get away. We needs ta be sneaksy."

As for cunnin'

11 Vs 16

[BigToof]

Well... Zaagblitz makes short work of the last human survivor.

So now I suppose all that's left is planning.  Or doing... things.  Hmmm....

Best,
-BT