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Dark Eldar vs. Custodes/IG (1500, 5/18) in "The Golden Guard Returns!"

Hi All,
This rep brings back one of my more recent mates who is piloting the Custodes again!
I think it's pretty much the same list, but with a change-out of the IG relic for a sweet Custodes relic bike and plasma guns instead of flamers.  But, I'm not running the tough-as-nails Eldar this time.
This time it's the glass hammer of the Dark Eldar.
And I'm... not as optimized as I could be.
As my last game felt a bit too... one-sided, I decided to go with some Wych cult action.
Reavers are supposed to be the new rule of cool, so I threw them in with a Succubus and a side order of Wyches.

Did it work out?
Was it too weak-sauce?

Read on and see!

P.S.  Fluff is here too!  Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated!


The Lists

Dark Eldar 1500: 43 Infantry, 3 MCs, 5 Vehicles; 8 CPs
Black Heart Battalion
-Archon w/Huskblade, Blaster
-Archon w/Venom Blade, Blaster
-Warriorsx5 w/Blaster
-Warriorsx5 w/Blaster
-Warriorsx5 w/Blaster
-Raider w/DCannon
-Raider w/DCannon
-Raider w/DCannon
-Ravager w/DCannonsx3
-Ravager w/DCannonsx3
Cult of the Red Grief Patrol
-Wychesx8 w/Shardnet
Prophets of Flesh Patrol
-Talosx3 w/Chain Flail, Macro-Scapel, Haywire Blastersx6
Artifacts of Cruelty: Writ of the Living Muse, Blood Glaive, Vexator Mask
Warlord: Labrynthine Cunning, Hyper-Swift Reflexes, Diabolical Soothsayer
Drugs: Succubus +1S, Wyches +1A, Reavers +1T

The Golden Guard 1500: 42 Infantry, 1 Vehicle; 9 CPs
Custodes Outriders
-Shield-Captain on Aquila Jetbike (Relic), Salvo Launcher
-Vertus Praetorsx3 w/Hurricaine Bolter, Misericordia
-Vertus Praetorsx3 w/Hurricaine Bolter, Misericordia
-Vertus Praetorsx3 w/Hurricaine Bolter, Misericordia
Cadian Battalion
-Company Commander
-Lord Commissar
-Tank Commander w/Battle Cannon, Lascannon
-Primaris Psyker w/Force Staff, Psychic Barrier
-Infantry Squad w/Plasmagun, Mortar
-Infantry Squad w/Plasmagun, Mortar
-Infantry Squad w/Plasmagun, Mortar
Warlord: CC: Grand Strategist


Chapter 16: Darling in the Webway

Ex-Farseer/Dracon Thielbane of the Kabal of the Bloody Hand pressed by another group of Drukhari Warriors.  The Warriors, all relatively young, looked at him with a look of disdain.  This was somewhat understandable, as he wasn't wearing his usual Dracon garb, finding the inner pain-barbs to be not to the liking of most reasonable Eldar.  However, this did mean that navigating the growing crowds was becoming more and more difficult.  He wasn't sure of it was Archon Y'stral's recent alliance with the Kabal of the Black Heart had done it, or if it was just some kind of Commeraugh event, but the ranks of the Drukhari had swollen rather significantly.

For Thielbane, it was a surprise seeing so many new faces, given that the Eldar were supposed to be dying race.  Of course, he had to admit, that was the Craftworld variety.  There were whispered rumours that the denizens of the Dark City had ways to churn out mass-produced Aeldari in near mind-numbing numbers, but he had never put much stock to it all.

Whatever the cause of it all, there were now more Dark Eldar in one place than he had seen.  Perhaps ever.  Although, his days as a Corsair Prince were probably close.  He shrugged to himself.  But, that was a different person.  Customary to the Paths of the Craftworld, Thielbane had shed his old life before walking the Path of the Seer and thus had left his past deeds (and misdeeds) behind him.  It was like the old skin of a Warp Spider, things lost to the passing of time.

Finally having made his way to Y'stral antechamber, Thielbane took a moment to readjust his Biel-tan robes.  There were supposed to be the leaders of a potential ally faction that were coming to meet them, and first impressions, as always, were very important.

With a gesture, the spiked-iris door opened with a hiss, and inside a small cadre of scantily-clad Drukhari stood, turning to face him with blades at their hips. 


This was unexpected.  Y'stral had a way of putting off the more delicately-nuanced Arena fighters with his less-than-subtle antics.  Bowing with respect, he was almost caught off guard when the pointy-armored Y'stral walked out of their midst, cackling near-manically.  The Archon was his usual self, that to mean equal parts blood-thirsty monster and conniving madman.

"Thiel!" the Archon crowed, clasping him rather uncomfortably on the shoulder.  "Glad you could make it.  Ladies, this is Captain Thielbane.  My Dracon.  Like I said."

Thielbane nodded to the assembled crew of Wyches, who looked him up and down with a look that a butcher gave to a rather exquisite piece of meat.  But, they parted when an elegant figure wielding an enormous Glaive strode forward.  Like the other Wyches, she was scant of clothing, showing off enough ivory skin to make certain parts of Thiel's anatomy spring to attention in a rather undiplomatic way.  However, unlike the others, she had an elegant whirl of body-paint that started on her blade arm and worked it's way up to her face, which was rather surprisingy soft with none of the harsh edges and glares that he had come to expect from the leaders of the Wych cults.  And she clearly was high up in the ranks with a number of odds and ends draped about her that were clearly trophies from presumably rather nasty opponents.

Before he could say anything, there was a blur of motion and the lead Wych was suddenly very close with the edge of her gigantic blade against his throat.  He glanced over at Y'stral and saw that he was similarly surrounded by the other Wyches, who had their blades drawn and settled against varying parts of his anatomy.  And much to Thielbane's irritation, the Archon seemed to be enjoying every moment of it.

Thielbane looked down at the Wych, who looked up at him with a sudden fury and said in soft, velvet tones, "Whoever you are impostor, know that you will die by my hand for daring to call yourself by the name of the greatest Aeldari the universe has ever known."

He blinked.  Something about her voice, her face.  Memories that were long since buried came back to life and a name popped up into his head.  "Val?  Is... Is that you?"

The Wych took a step back and Thielbane let a breath go that he didn't know he was keeping in.  "Thiel...," whispered the girl, "C...  Captain?"

Thielbane nodded, rubbing the back of his head in embarressment, "Uh, hi.  Val.  Yeah, it's... it's... been a while."

The Wych's mouth dropped open and Thielbane both saw and felt a panaply of emotions cross over her face.  "How?  It's... impossible.  You died.  You were..."

Trying to inject, Thiel gestured pointedly and said, "Can we... talk about this somewhere else?"

Still, the Drukhair continued as if in a waking dream, her eyes unfocused as if seeing something else far away.  "We all saw the explosion.  There wasn't even enough left for the Haemonculi to try and resurrect.  I... don't... understand..."

Nodding, Thielbane said, "Yeah... about... that...  I mean there's a reasonable explanation about..."

Suddenly, she whipped her head up and forcefully cut him off, "I don't care."

It was Thiel's turn to be more than a bit confused.  "W... What?"

"I'm just... happy you're alive."

Then, with surprising speed yet again, the Wych was next to him, holding him in an embrace that was shocking to everyone else in the room.  Especially Thielbane. 

It was such a foreign gesture amongst the Drukhari.  To leave yourself open to attack in so many ways, especially by someone who was so clearly a veteran of the Arena, was just... unfathomable.

Taking a moment to let it all sink in, Theilbane ventured to say,  "I... Thanks.  Val.  I...  I didn't..."

Looking up at him with a look of unbridled joy, she replied , "It's ok.  You're back.  We're back.  It's... all perfect now."

Y'stral coughed, drawing everyone's attention to the Archon who was still surrounded by a forest of drawn blades.  "AHEM.  Are you two done?  There's a lot of Mon-Keigh who aren't going to be killing themselves you know."

Thielbane nodded and said, "Uh, right.  Sorry."

The Wych let him go and Thielbane noticed that she blushed when he caught her eye and she looked away. 

Vallaria.  She hadn't changed.

Or rather.  She had.  A lot.  His memories were still rather foggy.  He had been lucky to get a name.

Y'stral sighed and said, "Right, so Thiel, you know the Succubus.  That means we're good to go, right?"

Thielbane looked rather surprised at Vallaria, who smiled and nodded.  Someone had gone up in the world.

The Archon continued, "So, now that we're not into stabbing each other, as fun as that might be, I've got some sweet, sweet extra-prime Mon-Keigh that need harvesting.  All we have to do is pick them up."

Thielbane frowned.  That sounded far too easy.  What wrinkle was...

There was a hiss of the door opening again, and the end of what sounded like a babble of words came through.  And Thielbane was a bit surprised to see Bella and Starsparkle.  Bella was her usual self, reading her book and not paying attention to anything in the slightest, especially not the overly animated figure next to her.  Done up to the nines with dyed hair and glittery sparkles covering nearly the entirety of her body was Starsparkle, the youngest of the Drukhari and one of the most skilled Reaver Arena Champion Thiel had ever met.  Although, he had to admit that it had been some time since he had seen her.

"Bella.  Star," said Thielbane in greeting.  "We have... a guest...  This is..."

"Oh, right!" Starsparkle said, "I'm supposed to be doing introductions.  This Succubus Vallaria of the Cult of the Red Grief.  The Mistress of Madness.  Sorry I'm late.  I just had to find Bella.  Oh, hey!  You're still alive, Captain!  That's great!  I thought we were going to kill you."

Thielbane felt his blood freeze again, but before he could speak, Vallaria was in front of him, smiling a familiar nervous grin.

"No, no darling, that's not it.  I just thought someone was using your name, and I was coming to... rectify that situation.  That's it."

Thielbane swallowed, nodded and said, "Well, I'm... glad then... about... that."

Star continued, "Yeah, I mean, who'd have thunk it that after I got sold off to the Cult of the Red Grief that I'd be back here so soon."

At the word, "sold," Thielbane whirled his head back to glare at Y'stral, who just shrugged.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Thiel.  She wasn't doing much and it's a real pain to keep Wyches and their ilk on the payroll now-a-days.  Just doesn't fit in with the look of it all.  Can't have all spikey Kabals and one Wych wandering around.  Doesn't look good.  We got a good price for her, don't worry."

As he was about to say something, there was a blur, and once again, Vallaria was in his face, smiling again.  "And it was a good thing that she came to my cult too.  Otherwise we would never have met each other again.  By the Muses...  I think...  I think this is fate."

"Uh, yeah," said Starsparkle edging her way to the nearby Wyches who were still stunned.  "This is... completely normal.  Umm... Hey, are we... going on a raid then?"

Thiel again tried to find his words, but this time it was Archon Y'stral who appeared between Thielbane and the Succubus.  Throwing his arms around both of them, he drew them together and Thielbane felt some familiar soft curves press up against him.  Vallaria blushed again, and Thielbane felt more faint memories churn in the backseat of his brain.

"Absolutely," said the Archon, "I mean, we've gotta celebrate this day, right?  The Muses and stuff.  Let's get our kill on.  The Mon-Keigh won't know what hit them."


"This tea is rather wonderful."

There was a slight clatter of porcelein as the enormous figure of Shield-Captain Cogliostro of the Adeptus Custodes carefully put down the delicately decorated cup.  Dwarfed by the super-human was Commander Argus McClintock of the Cadian 758th.  The bearded man nodded with as much politeness as he could muster, his cybernetic eye humming in the dim light of the officer's tent.
"So, now that the pleasantries are done," said the Commander in a grizzled tone, "I take it now's the time for you to lay it on us what you and your golden boys are doing out here?"

Cogliostro nodded rather excitedly and said, "Oh, yes, quite.  We're getting vengeance for our fallen brethren.  Both you know, Custodes and Militarum.  I was in a tussle with some Eldar that went... badly really.  Bit of a shame, that.  Fell into a bout of sad-sack myself until I was told that we could have a second round with the Xenos.  Rather nice of the Emperor to allow that."

There was a clatter of silverware, and Cogliotstro saw that the Commander had nearly dropped his cup.

"The... The Emperor?" whispered McClintock, "The... Emperor himself sent you?"

Tapping his finger against his chin in thought, Cogliostro said, "Well, I suppose that's a rather technical turn of the phrase really.  Rather complicated.  More to say that we're here in the service of the Emperor whose decision tree was sorted through a number of Adeptus Administrum departments.  But still... kind of through the Emperor."

"Oh," said the Commander, who just felt an entire conversation fly over his head with the speed and distance of a Valkyrie on full-burn.  "So... what you're saying is that you're here to Purge the Alien and you want our help."

"Quite," said the Shield-Captain, "Jolly good that you understand that so well.  Very impressed with you and your men."

McClintock nodded and said, "Not to... question anything, sir, but... you do realize that we're at the end of a major engagement ourselves and our number are... less than substantial."

Cogliostro said excitedly, "Oh, yes, but don't fault that to yourselves.  That sort of thing just happens.  We just need some escorts to make sure that those dastardly Xenos don't get away."

The Commander rubbed his chin and said, "Well, I... suppose we can act to pick off the stragglers.  How large of a force are you expecting?"

Humming in thought, Cogliostro replied, "Well, the last time I saw them it was just two tanks and a handful or three of them.  Not much to deal with.  And according to this intelligence report there's sighting of them not that far away.  With any luck, they should come right to us."

Frowning, McClintock could only nod.  It sounded far too easy.  Hopefully the Administratum had actually done their job this time instead of the usual half-made haberdashery that came out of the so-called "intelligence" operations.  All he could do now was hope.  For whatever tha was worth in the 41st millennium.


Pre-Game Thoughts: Well, looking at the lists, I can say this is going to be a tough fight.  Those Custodes are worth their weight in literal gold and are each monstrous to take down.  Four wounds each with a 2+/4++ save means I'm going to have to work overtime to kill even one squad.  I'd love to use Blasters on them, but with their 14" move that means that if I fail to do the job, they'll be all over me.
Bella and her friends may be some decent speed-bumpbs, but with their 2+WS, I think the Custodes will either outmaneuver or outfight them.  I can easily see them getting run around and then shot or stabbed to bits.
And speaking of stabbing, I have my very, very untested tiny Wych patrol with a Blood Glaive Succubus and a group of Reavers and Wyches who will hit with all the fury and impact of wet packing foam against the Golden Giants.

So, my plan?  Hope that the game will let me run around and pray for good rolls.  I suspect this may not go well for the Dark Ones.

Mission: Tactical Escalation (Draw up to round #, Prioritize one type; both took Take and Hold (Secure))
Setup: Search and Destroy (Diagonal w/18" circle)

Setup-Sneak Peek

Picture Caption: Right.  You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine!


To Be Continued!
Its alright if the battles are one sided, some of us just keep coming back for the excellent fluff ;)

Thanks for the reply!  I'm glad that the rep wasn't off putting and I appreciate the compliments on the fluff!
Let me know what you think of the new one as well!

I'm somewhat unsure about the Cult (Wyches and what-not) this edition.  Considering taking them out, but fluff-wise do you consider them as interesting as the Haemonculus Covens?

As interesting as Bella? Certainly not.
To be honest, I've grown a little disinterested in Allonia and Ray'keth's rivalry. It just doesn't really go anywhere. I wouldn't mind if you just wrote them out entirely.
It'll save more space for the characters we're invested in, or feasibly some new characters if you've got some good ideas for any.

Hi Cammerz!

Thanks for the reply.  I've got a new rep up with a few new Characters.  Let me know what you think.

I'm somewhat unsure about the Cult (Wyches and what-not) this edition.  Considering taking them out, but fluff-wise do you consider them as interesting as the Haemonculus Covens?

As interesting as Bella? Certainly not.
To be honest, I've grown a little disinterested in Allonia and Ray'keth's rivalry. It just doesn't really go anywhere. I wouldn't mind if you just wrote them out entirely.
It'll save more space for the characters we're invested in, or feasibly some new characters if you've got some good ideas for any.
The audiodramas are a step above the audiobooks. Not only do they have sound effects, but they're acted out by multiple voice actors. At about 75 minutes they're perfect for driving or just that hour and a half sit down to paint.

The AoS stuff looks fantastic, but that's the game I play, so I'm biased. The one thing I do want to point out is that of the new stormcast, it looks like near 50% are female, which is cool, especially for people who like blending while painting rather than just line highlights ;)

The new sister model looks fantastic, I may buy it just to paint and add to my inquisitor warband if it comes out as something promotional.

The forgeworld stuff looked fantastic, but... it's forgeworld, does anyone expect anything less?

And last but not least: huh, I noticed there wasn't much 40k stuff shown. I wonder if that's because it looks like the big releases for the next month and a half are AoS and specialist games, or because they have something big coming, or a combination between the 2.
Its alright if the battles are one sided, some of us just keep coming back for the excellent fluff ;)
I actually missed the audio-drama.  That's great news.
Have you listened to any of GW's audio works?  I've not tried them yet, but if it's decent, I'm enthused to have a listen.
The Sister also looks good.  I hope the rules will be solid as well, and GW will have a real hit.
Heavens knows I'll buy them.

Well that seemed to go well, I guess the problem with the guard was that all of their anti-tank was on their tanks and all of their massed infantry was just anti-infantry. I'm just speculating, I'm not sure how I would have done anything any different.

Loving Bella of course, can't go wrong with a report balancing her unique perspective with Thielbane's straight-man character reacting to the surrounding madness.

Not sure what else to say,

Job's a good un!

Hi Cammerz,
Thanks for the reply.  I'm always a bit worried about putting up a rep that is too one-sided, but I suppose that won't always be the case.  I've played a few more games with the Dark Eldar and they are pretty mean, but fear from invincible.
And I'm glad you liked the fluff!
I'm somewhat unsure about the Cult (Wyches and what-not) this edition.  Considering taking them out, but fluff-wise do you consider them as interesting as the Haemonculus Covens?

News, Rumours and Trading / I think we should probably talk about Warhammer Fest
« Last post by Cammerz on May 14, 2018, 11:10:49 PM »
I'm going to link the Warhammer Community blog here, it features pictures of pretty much everything;

But let's get started on the really big news;

They're releasing a new Age of Sigmar audio-drama and Gotrek Gurnisson is voiced by Brian Blessed!

Also we have a first look at the forthcoming plastic Sisters of Battle (down towards the bottom of the blog), she is amazing and I want her.
AoS has some new ghostly models that look very fun (but if your little sister accidentally steps on them then there's no saving them) and with them there are two new technical paints to make ghostly green and smokey blue, should be interesting.
There's a new small-scale game called Adeptus Titanicus for if you really want a Warlord Titan but think £1300 is a little steep, basically the return of Epic: Armageddon but so far only containing Imperial Knights and Titans.
Forge World's Dreadnought Drop Pod is back.
And the Necrons have a new construct, which is enormous!
Well that seemed to go well, I guess the problem with the guard was that all of their anti-tank was on their tanks and all of their massed infantry was just anti-infantry. I'm just speculating, I'm not sure how I would have done anything any different.

Loving Bella of course, can't go wrong with a report balancing her unique perspective with Thielbane's straight-man character reacting to the surrounding madness.

Not sure what else to say,

Job's a good un!
Thank you all for the kind words!
"Wait..." said the Farseer, "Didn't...  Didn't your Kabal fight Vect and Lady D'ysperax not that long ago?  Didn't we... nearly kill them?"
Heh,I remember that battle. I may have to go back and reread it.

You know, I enjoy all your characters, but Bella is definitely one of my favourites. She's adorable! And so is the image of a talos in a party hat!

Anyways, you said DE are more powerful than Tau, and since you won your previous battle that pretty much proves that you'll win this one. Still, I look forward to seeing how you manage it.

Quick question, you fought the guard a few times now. Would you say they're more or less powerful than the Tau? I've been thinking of reviving my old mech guard army since I can't seem to win with tau without using a nearly pure gunline which I find boring.

Hi Mabbz,
Thanks for the reply.  The Guard is about the same power level as the Tau.  They're just different in that some of their power is more reliable, but both armies are looking fairly gunline or infantry heavy at the moment.  I haven't seen too much mech yet, but maybe that'll change soon with the new FAQ out.  I think pure guard does need some kind of kick though to make them stand out, and that seems to vary from a super-heavy, some Bullgryn or something else fairly nasty.  Pure Infantry can work too, but it's a lot of work both with models and the like.  Still, Lemun Russes seem to be pretty solid overall.

I'd forgotten just how much I enjoyed reading the tales of Bella, I hope the battle goes well for her so we can read even more.

I'm liking what I'm seeing so far, bring on the rest of the report.

Thanks for the reply Cammerz!
I'm glad I still have the knack for writing Bella, she's one of my favorites too :)

Hope you all like the rest of rep!




Well, setup is an interesting one.  My opponent is rather surprised by the sheer volume of guys I have available, and when I set the trio of Talos down, he becomes rather worried about the center.  I put the Talos down in the middle on my front line with Bella and a Raider with Wracks and my Writ Archon (in the fluff as Thielbane) behind them.  Razorwings on the sides and then the rest of my army goes in reserves using Screaming Jets.  I also use a CP to give Bella Diabolical Soothsayer, which then gives me back 3 CPs (Best Warlord Trait ever?) and the Vexetor Mask for another CP.

My opponent proceeds to put his Lemun Russes behind the big LoS blocking building to hide them from the Talos (probably anyway) with the Chimera and one Manticore between them.  One Manticore goes into each of the ruins on the corner and my opponent wraps each of them with an infantry blob.  The Sentinels are deployed more conservatively and the rest of the Guard make nice lines to try and hedge me out.

Dark Eldar finished deploying first and win the roll off!

IG fails to seize and the game is on!

Picture Caption: Can I crack this nut?

Turn 1: Dark Eldar

"Bella!" screamed Thielbane, trying to keep his feet planted on the Raider rocking seismically from the Imperal bombardments.

Either the Haemonculus couldn't hear him or was just unflinchingly apathetic to his pleas, it was hard to say.  Then, Y'stral's voice came screeching in over the comms:

"Haemo!  Get up there and show the Mon-Keigh a good time.  Thiel!  Get out of the Raider or we're going to smash it to bits!"

Thielbane looked up, swore and sprinted out of the Raider, skidding to stop as a quartet of Drukhari warships landed around him in perfect synchronicity.

Archon Y'stral was at the head of the lead Raider, cackling with delight.
"Thiel, get that Writ-thing out!  Minions!  That's the word of Vect himself!  Don't screw this up if you know what's good for you!"


Thielbane bails out to the right, advancing and setting up a nice LoS to the backfield  Manticore and Russ.
The Talos advance, as does Bella.  The Razorwings move at angle to criss-cross the center building (and thus prevent any shenanigans from the Guard to crash them).
The Raider moves to the right in front of Thiel and the rest of my army arrives from their Screaming Jets to pile around Thiel.

Shooting is actually not as amazing as I would have thought given everyone's gnashing of teeth, but I wreck the right-most Russ, the center Manticore and put about half or so wounds on the Chimera.
I also use the Fire and Fade stratagem and get the Talos on top the building ready for a Turn 2 assault!

Picture Caption: Huh, that was... kind of mild shooting.  Hopefully not a sign of things to come?

Turn 1: Imperial Guard

Sparks shot off like maddened fireworks inside the Commander Chimera, forcing Commander Jenkins to keep his head down as some kind of dark Xenos weaponry fried out some of the systems of the tank.

But, the Tech-priests had made these things to last and a little something like losing half the electronics wouldn't do much to the Machine Spirit.
Or... so he hoped.

"Everyone listen up!" barked the Commander, "We're only going to get one shot at this!  Focus Fire on those monsters up there, we're..."

There was a sudden high-pitched screech and Jenkins forced the Comm-Bead out of his ear in shock and pain.

What was that?  How did the Xenos figure out their comm-frequency?

"Get me another frequency!" yelled the Commander, "We have to act quickly before it's too late!"


IG answers back with the Lemun Russ and Chimera moving to the left out of LoS from the Ravager/Raider park that just showed up.  The Sentinels move up to BarBQ the Razorwings (I still don't understand how that works, but I guess it does?).
The Guardsmen all move around to recreate a second line of defense with one Sentinel and a unit of Guardsmen being thrown to the metaphorical wolves to slow down the Talos.

Shooting starts with a not great FRF/SRF as 6's to wound against the Talos is just really, really hard to get (or so it seemed).  The remainder of the Infantry all drop their Mortars on the big guys and finally manage to weasel a wound through.
My opponent then decides to use his Coordinated Firepower stratagem... that is... IF IT WASN'T BLOCKED BY THE AGENTS OF VECT! (Cue airhorns).

A bit put off, he decides to throw shots out with his last Russ and the Chimera, which do very little damage through my 4++ invul save.  One Manticore opens up and only gets 5 shots, which do nothing to the Talos.  Deciding that perhaps the Talos have just been a massive Distraction Carnifex (Kinda...), my opponent decides to do the somewhat questionable action of shooting at one of the Ravagers instead and does some wounds, but not enough to lower it's stats.  The Sentinels then somehow shoot at the airborne Ravagers and do a few wounds each.

Picture Caption: Talos is the new Distraction Carnifex?

Turn 2: Dark Eldar

X'Bella Le'Gosi watched the approaching human line with her usual head-turning assessment.  The humans were assembled in orderly lines and were releasing some kind of brightly-coloured energy salvos at the Talos.  Nothing had really happened as the lights bounced off the heavily armoured creatures and Bella's mind was racing with conjectures.

The Archon had said that she should "show them a good time," which had at least 304 different meaning depending on the variables.

But, given the setting of a "party," the lines and light-show could mean only one thing:

This was a DANCE PARTY.

Sliding her hands through the air, her silent commands went out amongst the Talos, who instantly responded.  They raised their arms in the air (like they just didn't care) and began to do their best impressions of prancing around like a drug-fueled Wych while whirling their chains in a hopefully celebretory manner and firing their Haywire Blasters in return.

There was a pause and the humans began shouting loudly as the enormous creatures fell amongst them.  The Talos were clearly doing their best to find dancing partners amongst the mass of suddenly very lively humans.

Bella nodded in approval as mostly intact Guardsmen began hurtling through the air.  This was surely the most apropriate choice of action.


Everyone moves up with the Talos especially getting ready to jump the front line offerings.  The Razorwings zoom around.  Bella heals one of Talos for 3 wounds using the Fleshcraft Strategem.

I delete all of the Sentinels with fine Blaster and Dissie fire and wipe out one of the Infantry squads on the right.  The Talos fire their Haywire and surprisingly are able to finish off the Chimera while the Razorwings start to try and chip away at the Russ.  In a stroke of poor luck, the Psyker is lost in the Chimera wreck.

Then it's on to the Assault!

The Talos pretty much ignore all of the Overwatch and come in, chopping the Sentinel to bits with their Macro-Scapels and then the fury of the Chain-Whip is unleashed, easily tearing apart the Guard squad.

Picture Caption: Right, well, perhaps the Talos ARE something to worry about.

Turn 2: Imperial Guard

Not again, thought Commander Jenkins to himself as the front lines began to crumple.  The enormous creatures had suddenly gone insane and were ignoring the enormous volleys of lasguns fired indiscriminately at them.  Jenkins had elbowed the Psyker out of the way of the flaming Chimera, and he felt only a vague twinge of guilt at letting the mutant die horribly in the smoke and flames.

But, he had to admit, swallowing nervously at the incoming monstrosities, perhaps the Pysker had taken the easy way out.


My opponent moves another Infantry squad up to the Talos grinder and everyone who can pulls back.

Shooting goes out again with everything aiming at the Talos.
I don't have enough CPs to attempt to deny the Strategem again, and after the fury of Lasgun, Mortar and Shells, the Talos are left with a single wound remaining on one of the monsters, but the other two are completely intact!  (I blame my janky 4++ invul rolls)

Picture Caption: This... probably isn't good news for the IG.

Turn 3: Dark Eldar

Hekatrix Allonia swore as something slammed against the hull of her Razorwing.  It was bad enough that they had to fight at such low altitudes that the Mon-Keigh could reach out and touch them, but now things were getting much more annoying with debris hitting...

A faint wailing brought her attention to her windshield and paled when she saw the half-rent form of a Guardsman, holding on with a vice like grip to nose of her plane.

Allonia snarled and jerked the controls to the side, but the human was wedged in tight.

"Nice one, Allonia," came the annoying snarky tone of Hekatrix Ray'keth from the cockpit of her Razorwing, "I guess you're picking up your date for tonight?"

"Shut up, Ray'keth," said Allonia, ignoring the closely passing Jetfighter.  It was only for a split-second, but Allonia could clearly see her rival making a rude gesture with her fingers as they passed.  It was bad enough that they had been forced into joining a Kabal of all things, but having only Ray'keth to be compared against was an insult that boiled within her.

Snarling, Allonia pitched the Jetfighter into a roll, and when she righted herself, she could only sigh when she saw that part of the human had gotten stuck in her fuselage and was now flapping along completely jammed into her plane.

At least they were winning the battle.  But, Ray'keth would never let her hear the end of all this.


Everyone moves in for the kill.

I park the Raiders and Ravagers on top the building.
The Talos FLOAT over the heads of the bedraggled front line who only now realize the folly of trying to block flying MCs.  Razorwings zoom around some more.

Shooting has the Russ nearly wrecked and decent damage done to the Infantry squads.

In Assault, the Talos do a massive 3 way assault and finish off all of the Infantry and the remains of the Russ on the left as they are now hitting on 2+!

Picture Caption: Right, I think we can now say that Talos are pretty nasty for T3 Guardsmen.

Turn 3: Imperial Guard

Commander Jenkins sprinted for dear life as the Lemun Russ next to him was rent asunder by the Xenos.  How had this happened?  There were only supposed to be four of the creatures, not an overwhelming horde!

Skidding to a stop, he motioned for the last of his men to form a defensive line.

They would it, or die trying.

With not too much left, the Guard try to cluster their Characters near the center.
Shooting has the Manticores finally dropping the really wounded Talos.

Picture Caption: Well, you done good Talos.  You done good.

Turn 4: Dark Eldar


The command echoed out amongst the Raiders, and the Kabalities pulled their hands off their weapons instinctively.

Thielbane turned in confusion, as he saw Y'stral whip out his Huskblade and leap off the Raider, landing with a screeching wail as the Archon barreled straight towards the last Guardsmen amongst the poisoned and disintegrated remains of the last stand that had been set up so hastily.

The Mon-Keigh leader was barely visible amongst the haze, but there was a snicker-snakt of a blade and only a shriveled husk fell to the earth.

Y'stral howled in glory, but Thielbane tried not to roll his eyes.  They had a veritable armada of weaponry yet unfired.  Surely there were more effecient uses of time.


Y'stral wants some glory as he pops out with some Wracks for backup.
The Talos move in to hit the left Manticore.

Shooting wipes away the screen for the Archon who wants the Commander for himself.
The Talos also do a good number of wounds to the Manticore.

The Assault is pretty brutal as the Archon takes down the Commander in a flurry of totally unnecessary Huskblade hits and my Talos finish off the Manticore after wading through some not-too-scary overwatch.

Picture Caption: Right, no need to hit them too hard when they're down...

Turn 4: Imperial Guard
My opponent is down to one Manticore with one rocket left, one Commissar and an Infantry squad.
He fires the Rocket to try and finish a Ravager, fails and then calls the game.

Picture Caption: And that's it!

Result: Dark Eldar Victory!

Post-Game Thoughts: Wow, that was rough.  The Dark Eldar hit like a truck compared to... well... pretty much almost any army out there. 

Including Eldar.

It's mostly just numbers, but you can build your army in a number of exciting ways now.  My current build was unintentionally very light in Infantry, so my opponent which had a massive load of anti-Infantry in it's Guardsmen could do very little.  And the anti-Tank focussed on the Talos, but with first turn, I was able to get too close using Fire and Fade, and I had hit his armor hard enough that it just wasn't effective enough to hurt the big guys.  Although, if he had fired that lost Manticore shot during his turn 1, he might have taken one MC down, but I'm not sure how much of a difference that would have made...  It had just hit me after the battle that I had lost one Talos.  Just ONE out of my entire army.  The rest of the units were somewhat damaged, but still functional.  In return, the Guard had gotten almost all of it's units wiped.  Harrowing indeed.

Right, once again, let's do this proper:

1) Archons: B+
A bit pricey for what they do, but the Writ and re-rolls makes them very useful and the very accurate blaster and hella-painful Huskblade make them finally good.  That said, they're still pricey.

2) Haemonculus: B+
Bella healed the Talos and gave me bonus CP's!  What's not to love?  However, she just didn't do that much as she wasn't needed on the front lines...

3) Warriors: B+
Good and cheap.  The blaster is so much deadlier at 1d6 damage that I didn't mind at all.

4) Raiders: B+
DCannon Raiders put in work and with re-rolls they can finally do some damage!

5) Ravagers: A
Triple cheap-as-chips Dissie Ravagers HURT things.  I liked using them and with only two I didn't feel that much of a pinch when I had to put Thiel back in his Raider to zoom around.

6) Razorwings: B+
Pretty solid anti-tank and anti-infantry.  No complaints, but they were kind of awkward when zooming around the center.  Not sure if better than a Ravager for it's points.

7) Wracks: B
Fairly cheap, didn't do anything this game...

8) Talos: A
Just amazing.  I had very low expectations, but they tanked hard with their 3+/4++ with FNP on top.  And they hit like a truck too against Guardsmen.  Love 'em.  In a unit of 3 with Fire and Fade they can really move across the table and with the ability to fly they are hard to screen against.  Just really great units overall.



Thielbane walked across the ruined battlefield taking stock of their situation.  It was a clear victory, but it seemed hollow compared to before.  Granted, he had told himself that it was for the good of the Craftworlds, but how much of that was true.
Smiting a petty force of Mon-Keigh who were really doing not that much themselves for what seemed like a few moments of amusement was little reward in the grand scheme of things.

And how much was... he paused as he saw Hekatrixes Allonia and Ray'keth, clad in their tight-fitting Wychsuits walking over from their Razorwings.  The taller, bustier and far more crass Ray'keth was whispering something to Allonia, who did her best to keep her raven-hair from exploding with rage.  Something had happened out there, perhaps it was best to find out.

As he neared, Ray'keth bowed dramatically and Allonia gave a curt, respectful gesture from the arena, which in it's more simplistic way meant more to Thielbane.  That, and the fact that she was his on-and-off again lover.  But, the two were looking at him in a rather unusual way.

"So, you're the new Dracon?" said Ray'keth, a finger playing along her bottom lip.  "You're handsomer than I would have thought."

Allonia rolled her eyes and said, "Ray'keth, he's in full armor.  You can't see anything."

Ray'keth narrowed her gaze and snarled at her rival, "Oh, yes.  So, you're calling him hideous, then?  How narrow minded Allonia.  Perhaps that's why you were draging that poor Mon-Keigh half-torn-up across the warzone."

"That means nothing and you know it," shot back Allonia.  The two Wyches stood nearly a swords-breath apart, and Thielbane recognized the tell-tale signs of a fight as both Hekatrixes' hands slowly moved doubtlessly towards hidden blades...

And that was when Archon Y'stral smashed through the wall of the nearby building riding one of the Talos and drinking directly from some kind of hose hooked up to the creature.

The totally-rocked-off-his-nuts leader of the Kabal landed with a wallop, causing the two Wyches to scurry back in deference and fear.

"Did you see me up there?  Man, this is great!  If I knew the Haemo could make them have drugs for blood, I would have had a dozen of them at my last murder-orgy.  Oh, you gotta try this!"

Thielbane sighed and before he could respond, Allonia and Ray'keth made lightning-speed deferential gestures and apologies before sprinting off to safety.

Wonderful, Thiel thought, just when things couldn't be more complicated.  But, he had to admit, at least it wasn't boring.


Far off on the other side of the battlefield, X'Bella Le'Gosi was examining the remains of a strange two-headed mechanical avian.  The Imperial Commander had it resting on his shoulder and it was clearly of some value.  The last of her surviving Talos held it in its claws and with a delicate motion, turned some kind of internal mechanism. 

There was a sudden whirring as a hologram appeared, crudely made, but detailing a number of planets.  Bella turned her head to one side, and then to the other.  Imperial names and designations appeared as well as a code of some kind.

Interesting, she thought.  Perhaps the Archon would be interested in it.  Today's party had most likely been quite a success.  Surely they should try again at a different locale.  The Mon-Keigh would indeed be in for an event they would not soon forget.  If only that they would probably soon be dead and relative degradation of memory components was minimal compared to total systemic failure.  Bella nodded to herself.  Yes, the possibilities to the future seemed open indeed.

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