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Author Topic: TD's Collected Shorts.  (Read 12723 times)

Offline InsaneTD

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TD's Collected Shorts.
« on: March 02, 2014, 12:48:38 PM »
Some of you know I've been working on a story, some of you may also know I've hit a roadblock and am having trouble getting motivated to write. So I've decided to start doing a short a week. Trying to build a habit of writing. Most of these will be 40K based, though there may be the odd story set in another universe, depending on where I find inspiration. I'll also be cross posting them on my FB account.



Story one. Is that him?

Lieutenant Thorton was looking through one of the scopes his men had brought with them. There were a lot of Greenskins down there. How were they supposed to know which one was the target?
"I think I have him Sir, it's the biggest one we've seen so far." Thorton turned to the specialist with the rifle, "Then take the shot and lets get out of here."

The young trooper and his spotter started going through the ritual that would see them firing the big M40 Bolt Rifle. It wasn't often a non-Space Marine even saw one, let alone got to fire one. But it had been deemed an important enough mission that it had been released to Thorton's squad.

Thorton was getting edgy and jumped when the big rifle fired. The Specialist using it swore and then bit his lip. "Target is down."
"You sure it was the right one?"
"Sir..." Another trooper behind them started to say, "..I don't think it was..."
Thorton turned around and gulped as he looked up at the biggest Ork he had ever seen....


The truk came racing straight at the city walls, every gun and trooper was focused and firing on it as it suddenly sloughed ninety degrees and ran along the wall. Several shots landed on the path it had been taking as it raced away. A large catapult was fired from the back of it, several objects being flung over the wall as the truk slide through another turn and started racing away, this time though, it wasn't so lucky and a Lascanon hit the fuel reserve. The truk exploding in a large fireball and flipping before landing on it's roof.


"General, the remains have been identified as those of Lieutenant Thorton and his men."
"Seems that he failed his mission to kill Thrakka. Though it seems he may have killed Thrakka's favourite Mek and set back production of several battlewagons and a Stompa."
"Well official the mission is a failure but that is still good news."



Edit; Fixed a error.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 10:18:14 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline Mabbz

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2014, 02:30:39 PM »
Well, it got a laugh out of me. Mind if I add it to the rulebook?

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2014, 02:52:51 PM »
The idea was too silly to not aim for comedy. I couldn't do it serious. :P

Sure, no problems. Same deal as the others.



Edit: Anything 40K verse, you can use, anything not 40K, will depend if I want do more with it or not, so ask for those.

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2014, 02:53:21 PM »
Devil's Claw.

Tellon had been sitting in the tree for six hours. He knew that there was a Devil in the area, he'd found the nest under the roots and he was waiting for it to return. He heard a noise behind him and drew the steel blade he had been given for the hunt, the noise was one of the very fast breeding prey animals, though even they are deadly, just like the world itself.

Two more hours had passed before he realised the Devil was already standing just in front of the nest. He had heard Devils could move silently but he hadn't believed it until now. It was a large one too, had to be a female one. He wasn't sure he wanted to try taking a female, they were particularly ferocious members of a ferocious species. But he couldn't get out of this tree without fighting her, and he didn't have time now to find another Devil's nest.

He drew his blade as quietly as he could and prepared to jump down. He had to time his jump just right, and land in the right place if he was going to do this. Well, it was now or never.

He landed on the Devil's back, right behind the head, plunging his knife into one of it's eyes. He jumped clear just as the Devil retaliated, hitting itself in the process. He still had his knife as he tried staying in the blind spot he had made. The beast shook it's great head, he had to get under the head and attack the joint between it's armour. It shook it's head again and he charged in, managing to get his knife into the joint in it's neck. He was rewarded with a bellow and a spurt of blood. Tellon wasn't so lucky this time as one of the legs crushed his arm as he rolled away.

He managed to avoid the rest of it's legs as he got up. He saw the pool of blood under it as it stumbled. He was sure he hadn't done enough to put it down yet, yet it looked about to collapse. He wearily watched it for a moment before it stumbled again, and this time it fell to the ground. He quickly raced back in and grabbed his knife, sticking into the beasts other eye. He then jabbed the joined between the Devil's neck and head again, dodging back out of reach.

The Devil groan and then roared weakly. It was lying on it's belly as he approached it again. Tellon shoved his knife into the joint again and sliced along it, he watched as the beasts blood started haemorrhaging from the wound. He moved away and sat down. He used his knife to to cut up his shirt, he had to stop his own arm bleeding or he'd be lying next to the Devil he just killed.

He finished bandaging his arm and got up. The Devil had stopped moving. He pulled the communicator from his belt and activated it, he knew he had half an hour before he would be picked up, so he had time to get the claw he needed.

The bed he was in was the softest he had ever been in and he couldn't get comfortable. Tellon's dad was inspecting the claw he had taken, "The instructors that picked you up said it was the biggest they had seen in the area in the last decade. You're lucky that all it took was your arm."
"I know. I think it hit itself when I first attacked it."
"This will make a fine knife son, you've done well and I'm proud of you."
"Thanks dad."
"Once that arm has healed enough, you'll have a cybernetic grafted to the stump. Once that's done, you'll be recruited into the Guard."
« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 03:03:17 PM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2014, 09:36:38 AM »
Dogfight

Captain Anastasia was getting angry. She'd be chasing this Athargon craft for half an hour now and still hadn't been able to get close, let alone get a lock on it. Her Harpy fighter was one of the fastest and most manoeuvrable fighters humans had ever made, and yet, the little Arthargon fighter had led her on a merry chase from the original intercept, so far they had been barely missing mountain tops and diving into the valleys in between. Anastasia had noticed the little fighters Ion drive and was worried that if she didn't get it soon, it would have enough of a lead on her to activate the drive and out run her missiles. She wasn't giving up though.

Every chance she got she checked her sensors, making sure no other Athargon fighters were closing on her, last thing she wanted was for the tables to be turned and her the one being chased. She checked her fuel, she still had plenty left and wouldn't have to give up the chase yet, she was worried though, her radio had been disabled in the initial exchange.

She watched as the enemy fighter barely missed a ridge ahead of her and over corrected, now was her chance. The targeting computer droned when it achieved target lock and she caressed the trigger, sending the missile after the running Athargon fighter. She was sure it was about to connect when the enemy fighter sidestepped. She was getting really tired of the manoeuvrability of the enemy fighters.

That was when she heard the alarm, someone had a lock on her. The sensors were telling her that an enemy fighter was closing from above. She dived into the next valley and swung to race down it's length, the new enemy fighter and the one she had been chasing following her. The alarm tone changed as both enemy fighters started firing on her. She swore as she rolled her fighter around the next cliff, only to see she had turned into glacial canyon. Her only option was to go up and she pulled back on the stick, her craft screaming as it started to climb.

The rounds from the enemy Coil Guns went straight through the wings of her fighter, destroying the control surfaces of both wings. She knew then that she was in trouble, there wasn't a chance she'd get her Harpy away from the enemy fighters, let alone back to a friendly base. She sighed as she grabbed the ejection handle and ripped it up, sending the canopy and then her seat skyward. Just in time to see more rounds impact the engines of her fighter, detonating in a large fireball.

Three hours later she couldn't help but smile as she watched the Valkyrie S&R Craft descend towards her. The rest of her squadron was flying overwatch and she waved up at them, though they probably couldn't see her. The flight back to the base was tense as a pair of contacts kept appearing on the very edges of the flights radar.



A little taste of the world I'm starting to build for a story I'm working on and I might develop this more at a later date.


Edit; fixed some grammar and spelling errors.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 10:18:30 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2014, 05:55:43 AM »
Lieutenant McAdams was sitting in the tower looking out of the airfield. The flight of Garuda heavy bombers was making it's approach after making the thirty kilometre descent from the orbiting ship. They were one of the few human aircraft capable of reaching orbit by themselves. He checked his board and saw there was also supposed to be three of the Pegasus dropships bringing the new fighter replacements. Though they weren't due for another hour.

Twenty minutes later, McAdams looked up from his paperwork as heard an emergency call come over the radio. He swore as he picked up the base PA, "All emergency units, to ready stations. This is not a drill, Repeat, all emergency units, To ready stations." One of the Garuda bombers had two of it's four engines out and was having hydraulic problems as well.

He pulled out his binoculars and looked in the direction the the bomber was supposed be approaching from, it was the last one in the line and was trailing smoke as it came in. Not good. It was at this point he saw a flash and another call came over the radio. "Mayday, mayday, mayday. We have lost a third engine and have to land now." McAdams watched as the two Garudas in front of it pulled out of their approaches, all of the bases emergency vehicles were moving out onto the field, ready to take action once the bomber was on the ground.

The lieutenant watched the large bomber struggle to stay air born. It was lower then it should of been at this point in it's approach, but if they could keep it in the air, they should still land safely. That's when he saw the flock of local water birds take off. The airfield had been build on a large island in the middle of some swampland. The incoming bomber had disturbed them and they had taken off into the path of the bomber. One of those getting sucked into the last engine would kill the heavy Garuda as surely as enemy action at this point.

McAdams held his breath as he watched the birds suddenly turn and move out of the way of the bomber. He breathed out and watched the stricken bomber as it finished it's approach, it was going faster then it should but the runway it was coming in on was built for the even larger Pegasus Dropships, it had plenty of room to stop. The bomber touched down heavily on the run way, then settled onto it's landing gear as it started slowing down. McAdams watched as it finally came to a stop barely on the very end of the run way, the emergency vehicles swarming it was it did. He sighed as he started getting all the paperwork out. It was going to be a long night now.

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2014, 06:28:58 AM »
The Tanker

Sergeant Callihan was getting tired of sitting in the Centurion tank as it rumbled over the field towards the target. He wasn't looking forward the coming battle. The Athargon weapons where more then capable of dealing with even the heavy armour of the Centurion. Still, at least he wasn't in a Legionary AFV like the ground troops with them. He'd heard that even the bullpup carbines the enemy used could penetrate those hulls.

He scanned the area in front of the tank as it approached the base, he could just see it through the trees. The bad news? The Athargon could see him as well. The hull of the tank rang like a bell as it was received a glancing hit. The good news? The ballistics computer had tracked the round and was giving him a firing solution. he called for the tank to stop as he swung the turret around and fired. There was a loud boom as the heavy laser superheated the air in it's path. Seconds after the laser had fired, the driver had started the tank moving again. Callihan was rewarded with a large explosion and some lightening where his target had been, he must of hit one the capacitors for the enemy emplacement.

He checked the battlefield computer and it showed that two of the other Centurions and one of the Legionary AFVs hadn't been so lucky, the marks showed them as disabled. Though it also showed 5 of six enemy positions as destroyed or disabled. He sighted back down the weapon scope and swung the turret around, loosing rounds from the coaxial machine gun as he did. At this range it didn't do much but did help keep a few heads down on the other side.

He spotted an enemy vehicle moving between some buildings and started tracking it, calling a halt as he did. The enemy tank appeared in a gap in the buildings of the base and he fired the laser again. He hit the enemy vehicle squarely and watched it stop. He could see that the turret ring had melted and welded the turret to the hull, not a kill but definitely an advantage. The firing symbol started flashing on his HUD again and he fired again, this time the enemy tank caught fire and he watched the Athargon tankers climbing out of the dead tank.

An hour later saw the Sergeant climbing out of his tank. They had successfully taken the base and he was looking forward to stretching his legs. He noticed a couple buildings on fire and walked over the investigate. It was where the first tank he had killed had been. The tank itself was still burning well and had set the buildings on either side on fire.



I'm thinking about posting some of these on other sites. Those of you with FB know I also post them on there.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2014, 06:36:04 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline The Allfather

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2014, 02:48:18 AM »
My only real issue is that you keep starting the stories almost exactly the same way. So-and-so was... was... was... its all very samey. It kind of works if you're introducing an ensemble of characters by using vignettes from the same battlefield, but even then its a stretch. Try starting with different descriptors. Maybe fill out surroundings before you introduce a character. There's also a few minor grammar issues, but pretty good stuff so far.

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2014, 06:06:56 AM »
Thank's AF, I hadn't realized I was doing that. I'm trying to improve my grammar, after ten odd years since I last did English at school.

Offline Narric

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2014, 04:30:08 PM »
OK dude, get ready for some honest to goodness backloginess feedback :P

"Is That Him?"
I have to admit, this was a nice little story, and i could totally imagine the look of horror on the Lieutenant's face when Thrakka "snuck up" on him and his unit. The second to last paragraph seems a little off however. I think with a simple "three days later" it would give the scene a little bit of sense. Currently it almost feels like you started writing something else.

The piece as a whole is still a fun read.

"Devil's Claw"
The first paragraph doesn't seem to flow right. I'm not sure if its content or structure that makes it not flow. The second half of it is where the flow seems to go strange.
Paragraph two almost sounds like he's looking to breed with the "Devil." Obviously not the intent, but tweaking the wording coul;d negate that issue.
There is some grammer issues in the later paragraphs. Mostly present and Past tense issues.
The final paragraph again feels like there should be a comment about how much time has passed.

The story feels there isn't enough suspense for what the story seems to want. The fight feels to quick and easy, with the later comment of the Devil being "the biggest they had seen in the area in the last decade." making it seem like either the Boy/man is increadibly skilled, or the devils aren't that great of an issue to begin with.

Not a bad piece, but it could use some more work.

"Dogfight"
Opening senteance needs more to it. "becoming frustrated" lends the later sentences more meaning, and makes the character sound less Raw emotional.

This story has a great sense of build up, however the finale is a little bit lacklustre. It will be interesting to see how the world it is part of plays out, and to know what the conflict between the Humans and "Arthargon" is for.

A pretty good story, though It think you could really up the tension and suspense by drawing the dogfight out longer and having this Captain win. Otherwise she is just going back to base to explain  how and why she wasted resources.

"Lieutenant McAdams Story"
This starts off well. The second paragraph has a little trip up when you missed "He" in the line: "McAdams looked up from his paperwork as HEheard an emergency call come over the radio."

In paragraph three, you should start a new line when the message comes over the radio. It emphasises the importance of the message. Paragraph four the word struggle should be struggled. small grammer error but makes sense hopefully ;) In the same paragraph, sentence four, build should be built.

Overall, the suspense is just right. I'm sure any person who has worked in Flight control of any airport can tell similar stories.

"The Tanker"
Despite it being some sort of raid/take over, it feels very relaxed. I don't think it needs much changing beyond some grammer errors, but thats within reason when it comes to writing :P

Hope that helps, and I look forward to what you do next ^_^

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2014, 09:07:29 AM »
Thanks for that Narric. My grammar does need some work and tense use is something I need to work on as well.

Is That Him. I'm edit that in soon.

Devil's Claw. I need to do a lot to that story.

Dogfight. I enjoyed writing that one, though I'm not sure I really showed why she was getting frustrated. The enemy fighters have a couple advantages over human fighters. They manoeuvre better then human fighters and are faster in a straight line. Bit hard to get all that info across in a short without just making it a short technical brief.

McAdams Story. Hopefully I didn't make any terrible errors to how the procedures are actually done. :P  I'll edit those changes in, thanks.

The Tanker. I wasn't really trying to make it tense as much as introduce a bit more of the world and a character I might work with more later on. I had originally planned for him to lose his tank, I'm not sure what happened there.

Offline BigToof

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2014, 11:05:49 PM »
I actually liked all 4 stories because of their similarities.
I thought you were going to the characters together somehow...

In any case, hope to see more and great work!

Best,
-BT
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Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2014, 07:17:02 AM »
I very well might. The first two are actually 40k stories so they will stay seperate one offs. The rest might end up being a series of shorts about the war. We'll see as I write more.

P.S. I should have a new story up in a day or two. I'm currently looking for story ideas. :P Might do a story about a Infantryman next.

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2014, 10:01:58 AM »
Bit of background. This story is set in a DnD game I tried running. it ended up falling apart before it even got very far. It's a pretty standard DnD world with some stuff stolen from The Shannara Chronicles, which is the ships. Most of the ships are flying sailing vessels of various types. In the series, they are a product of technology in a Fantasy setting. In this world, they are Magically held aloft and can be produced as quickly as a sea going vessel if you know how.



The Emerald Rose.

The Emerald Rose. Such a pretty name. Yet it's a name is whispered in the few black ports left on the coast. Those pirates that have seen it are rare. For battles between the Pirates and The Emerald Rose tend to be at over a 1000 feet. A drop none have ever survived. The only pirate crew  to ever survive an encounter with The Emerald Rose is the crew of The Aeronimity.

The Emerald Rose was sitting on the surface of the melt ice lake, high in the mountains know as the Goblin's Range. It's not often the Sky Ships of Enellon touched water, most places having a dock on a handy hill. In this case the crew of The Emerald Rose were fishing, swimming and fishing off the starboard bow of the ship. The deep russet and emerald coloured hull being reflected on the sapphire of the lake. The lake was surrounded by old growth forests and steep mountains capped in ice.

The Aeronimity had moved up the valley for the same reasons and hadn't expected to see The Emerald Rose sitting on the lake. Captain Andor Brandt ordered his crew to their stations as he bought The Aeronimity lower, ready to attack the The Emerald Rose. Bow, ballista and catapult were readied as the crew of The Rose scrambled back aboard their vessel. Captain Tanek Damewood was urging his men back on board and to their stations as they readied to take flight.

The Aeronimity was the first to let fly as it came into range. The Emerald Rose just lifting from the water as the catapult shot rained from above. Most fell in the lake, spraying water over The Rose as it took flight. A lucky round found it's mark, ripping off part of the portside rigging.

There was a sudden roar as the wind around The Emerald Rose whipped up, causing the famous ship to leap forward and away from the rain of arrows and shot. The Rose climbed hard and fast as it's crew readied the ship's own weapons. They loosed their on catapult shot and ballista bolt, one of which tore a jagged hole in the side of The Aeronimity.

The two ships duelled fiercely above the mountain lake. Diving and climbing as they exchanged fire. Sail was torn and hull cracked open. Men fell to their death and others were impaled or crushed.

The sun was setting as The Emerald Rose landed a lucky hit. Catapult shot had hit the Mast of The Aeronimity. Cracking the base and causing it to fall. The stricken vessel quickly started spiralling down to the water below. Followed by The Rose pelting it with shot and bolt. The Aeronimity hit the water with a mighty splash and started listing almost immediately. The jagged holes ripped in the side of the Aeronimity letting water in.

The Emerald Rose hovered over the sinking vessel for a while before setting off down the valley, the lights of the vessel fading into the night.



The change of pace has been caused by my listening to the following band. http://www.lagerstein.com I couldn't help but laugh and smile as I listened to the music and it reminded my of the crew of The Emerald Rose.

Offline InsaneTD

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Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2014, 10:43:32 AM »
First Contact.

The air was filled with the staccato sounds of hypersonic rounds from coil guns and the whip crack of lasers. A smell of ozone and wood smoke was filling the air as flames licked at the trees. People were screaming, some from pain, others calling for help or hurling abuse. Wild Bill looked around, trying to work out how to get out of this Charlie Foxtrot of a situation.

He couldn't understand what was happening, why did these aliens start firing on his squad? They hadn't done anything threatening. He looked at his squad as they hide behind the trees, boulders and depressions that littered the area. They had come out with only light equipment, not expecting to be fired on as they approached what he now considered the enemy position. The craft had crashed in the middle of the forest they were now fighting for their lives in.

His radio crackled as the message from high command came through, reinforcements were on their way and his squad was to attempt to break contact and retreat if possible. He signalled his squad, both over the radio and with hand signals. Something about the enemy craft seemed to be interfering with their radios.



They had managed to break contact and were moving well when the staccato sound of the hypersonic rounds broke the quiet. The enemy had managed to get ahead of them and was now springing an ambush. His squad, well trained as they were, dived for cover. He still lost two more soldiers to the enemy fire.

He was shouting orders to his squad when they heard a deep rumbling sound and the booming hiss of large bore lasers. Three Praetorian Battle Tanks and several Centurion IFVs rolled out of the scrub to his left. The enemy turned to this new threat and started firing. Two of the Centurions stopped as the hypersonic rounds went straight through the armour and the hulls of the Praetorians rang like church bells as the rounds reflected off the heavier armour.



The fighting had gone into the night, the humans trying to withdraw and the aliens ambushing them. It wasn't until they got to the edge of the forest that they were able to completely break contact and retreat. They had lost all the centurion IFVs and one of the Praetorians, and most of the infantry that had gone into the forest.

 

anything