OK dude, get ready for some honest to goodness backloginess feedback "Is That Him?"
I have to admit, this was a nice little story, and i could totally imagine the look of horror on the Lieutenant's face when Thrakka "snuck up" on him and his unit. The second to last paragraph seems a little off however. I think with a simple "three days later" it would give the scene a little bit of sense. Currently it almost feels like you started writing something else.
The piece as a whole is still a fun read."Devil's Claw"
The first paragraph doesn't seem to flow right. I'm not sure if its content or structure that makes it not flow. The second half of it is where the flow seems to go strange.
Paragraph two almost sounds like he's looking to breed with the "Devil." Obviously not the intent, but tweaking the wording coul;d negate that issue.
There is some grammer issues in the later paragraphs. Mostly present and Past tense issues.
The final paragraph again feels like there should be a comment about how much time has passed.
The story feels there isn't enough suspense for what the story seems to want. The fight feels to quick and easy, with the later comment of the Devil being "the biggest they had seen in the area in the last decade." making it seem like either the Boy/man is increadibly skilled, or the devils aren't that great of an issue to begin with.
Not a bad piece, but it could use some more work."Dogfight"
Opening senteance needs more to it. "becoming frustrated" lends the later sentences more meaning, and makes the character sound less Raw emotional.
This story has a great sense of build up, however the finale is a little bit lacklustre. It will be interesting to see how the world it is part of plays out, and to know what the conflict between the Humans and "Arthargon" is for.
A pretty good story, though It think you could really up the tension and suspense by drawing the dogfight out longer and having this Captain win. Otherwise she is just going back to base to explain how and why she wasted resources."Lieutenant McAdams Story"
This starts off well. The second paragraph has a little trip up when you missed "He" in the line: "McAdams looked up from his paperwork as HE
heard an emergency call come over the radio."
In paragraph three, you should start a new line when the message comes over the radio. It emphasises the importance of the message. Paragraph four the word struggle should be struggled. small grammer error but makes sense hopefully
In the same paragraph, sentence four, build should be built.
Overall, the suspense is just right. I'm sure any person who has worked in Flight control of any airport can tell similar stories. "The Tanker"
Despite it being some sort of raid/take over, it feels very relaxed. I don't think it needs much changing beyond some grammer errors, but thats within reason when it comes to writing
Hope that helps, and I look forward to what you do next ^_^