?

Can't find what you're looking for?

This topic might exist in our archive - Try Here

Author Topic: TD's Collected Shorts.  (Read 11033 times)

Offline Narric

  • Daemon Master
  • Board Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 5051
  • Karma 12
    • View Profile
    • Blog
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #15 on: April 17, 2014, 06:30:53 PM »
Some things I noticed, mostly spelling mistakes, but also a few places were the wording kind of trips up the flow. You'll probably have to compare to your original write-up to see what I've changed :P Just my opinion on how the wording should go ;)

The Emerald Rose
[spoiler]
The Emerald Rose. Such a pretty name. Yet it's a name is whispered in the few black ports left on the coast. Those pirates that have seen it are rare, for battles between the Pirates and The Emerald Rose tend to be at over a 1000 feet. A drop none have ever survived. The only pirate crew  to ever survive an encounter with The Emerald Rose is the crew of The Aeronimity.

The Emerald Rose was sitting on the surface of the melt ice lake, high in the mountains known as the Goblin's Range. It's not often the Sky Ships of Enellon touched water, most places having a dock on a handy hill. In this case the crew of The Emerald Rose were swimming and fishing off the starboard bow of the ship. The deep russet and emerald coloured hull being reflected on the sapphire of the lake. The shore was lined by old growth forests and steep mountains capped in ice.

The Aeronimity had moved up the valley for the same reasons and hadn't expected to see The Emerald Rose sitting on the lake. Captain Andor Brandt ordered his crew to their stations as he bought The Aeronimity lower, ready to attack the The Emerald Rose. Bow, ballista and catapult were readied as the crew of The Rose scrambled back aboard their vessel. Captain Tanek Damewood was urging his men back on board and to their stations as they readied to take flight.

The Aeronimity was the first to let fly as it came into range. The Emerald Rose just lifting from the water as the catapult shot rained from above. Most fell in the lake, spraying water over The Rose as it took flight. A lucky round found it's mark, ripping off part of the portside rigging.

There was a sudden roar as the wind around The Emerald Rose whipped up, causing the famous ship to leap forward and away from the rain of arrows and shot, to then climb hard and fast as it's crew readied the ship's own weapons. They loosed their own catapult shot and ballista bolt, one of which tore a jagged hole in the side of The Aeronimity.

The two ships duelled fiercely above the mountain lake. Diving and climbing as they exchanged fire. Sails were torn and hulls cracked open. Men fell to their deaths while others were either impaled or crushed.

The sun was setting as the crew of The Emerald Rose landed a lucky hit. Catapult shot had hit the Mast of The Aeronimity, cracking the base and causing it to fall. The stricken vessel quickly started spiralling down to the water below. The Rose continued pelting it with shot and bolt. The Aeronimity hit the water with a mighty splash and started listing almost immediately. The jagged holes ripped in the side of the Aeronimity letting water in.

The Emerald Rose hovered over the sinking vessel for a while before setting off down the valley, the lights of the vessel fading into the night.
[/spoiler]
Fantastic piece dude. The skill of the Rose crew feels a bit underplayed, however, by saying it was luck that downed the Pirate craft.

First Contact
[spoiler]
The air was filled with the staccato sounds of hypersonic rounds from coil guns and the whip crack of lasers. A smell of ozone and wood smoke was filling the air as flames licked at the trees. People were screaming, some from pain, others calling for help or hurling abuse. Wild Bill looked around, trying to work out how to get out of this Charlie Foxtrot of a situation.

He couldn't understand what was happening, why did these aliens start firing on his squad? They hadn't done anything threatening. He looked at his squad as they hide behind the trees, boulders and depressions that littered the area. They had come out with only light equipment, not expecting to be fired on as they approached what he now considered the enemy position. The craft had crashed in the middle of the forest they were now fighting for their lives in.

His radio crackled as the message from high command came through, reinforcements were on their way and his squad was to attempt to break contact and retreat if possible. He signalled his squad, both over the radio and with hand signals. Something about the enemy craft seemed to be interfering with their radios.

It took a while but they had managed to break contact with the enemy, and were moving well when the staccato sound of the hypersonic rounds broke the quiet. The enemy had managed to get ahead of them and was now springing an ambush. His squad, well trained as they were, dived for cover, with only two more soldiers falling to the enemy fire.

He was shouting orders to his squad when they heard a deep rumbling sound and the booming hiss of large bore lasers. Three Praetorian Battle Tanks and several Centurion IFVs rolled out of the scrub to his left. The enemy turned to this new threat and started firing. Two of the Centurions stopped as the hypersonic rounds went straight through the armour and the hulls of the Praetorians rang like church bells as the rounds reflected off the heavier armour.

The fighting went on long into the night, the humans trying to withdraw but the aliens always managing to ambush them. It wasn't until they got to the edge of the forest that they were able to completely break contact and retreat. They had lost all the centurion IFVs and one of the Praetorians, and most of the infantry that had gone into the forest.
[/spoiler]Thouygh it ends a little darkly, its still a pretty good piece. the few changes i made are mostly to avoid needing that huge gap, and make it feel like a constant piece of narrative, rather than a person having to stop and think, or breath :P

Looking forward for more ;)
2016
Models built (by # of bases)=22
Models painting (by # of bases)=5

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #16 on: April 17, 2014, 11:09:12 PM »
The Emerald Rose, you have to remember, these are highly agile ships, shooting each other volley you're weaponry for the most part. It takes as much luck and skill to land catapult shot in this case. I do like the changes otherwise. I need to actually save these to my computer so I can start editing them.

First Contact. Yeah, it does. It's kinda meant too, it's the opening shots of the war. This may get expanded on to become a more full story or the opening chapters of another novel. People keep distracting me while I was writing it too so that probably doesn't help the flow.

You keep this up and I might start PMing you my stories to beta for me. :P The main reason I'm writing these is so I can work on these issues and become a better writer.

« Last Edit: May 09, 2014, 08:05:11 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2014, 09:02:37 AM »
The Road.

The only noise Joe could hear as the tank moved past was a low whirring and the rattle of the treads. He had to give it to the Athargon, they were quiet. The tank quickly disappeared around the bend of the road, "Well shit Sarge, how are we supposed to know when they are coming if we can't hear them?"
"Well Westfall, you and Pyro can head down to the corner and watch what's coming down the road. Landes and Wilkins can go to the one the tank just went around can watch out that way." Joe quipped back. He heard John Westfall mumbling as he and Pryo quickly moved off down the road. The spotters quickly radioed they were in position and things were clear and the rest of the of the squad quickly got back to work. Why Command wanted this section of road destroyed Joe didn't know, but he knew his squad would get it done.

They were just finishing up when Landes radioed to him, "Tanks coming Sarge, four and counting. Be at the corner in two minutes."
"Pull back to the fall back point and wait for us. Pyro, John, you too." He turned to the men packing their kit's away, "Hurry up, we're going to blow this road and fall back. Set the timer for 5 minutes." Joe grabbed his gear and watched the rest of his squad start moving away from the road. He looked up the corner and saw the first tank come around it as he entered the trees on the side of the road, "Sarge, this convoy is still coming, it's a major movement. Current count is 20 tanks, no infantry or transports yet."
"Terri, I told you to move, the road is going to blow in less then 5 minutes and we don't want to be around when they start looking for the cause. Now move it, that's an order!"
"Roger that Sarge, moving now."

The squad was moving fast when they heard the explosion. They had mined a five hundred metre section of road and explosion was actually several sets of charges detonating in sequence. There was several secondary explosions as well. "Sounds like we caught part of the convoy in that one Sarge."
"That's why I set the timer for five minutes and not 5 hours like I was supposed to Wilkins" Joe replied, "But that means they are going to be looking for us, Keep your eyes open and keep moving to the fall back point."

They had rendezvoused at the fall back point when they heard a dozen crashes in the distance. "Sounds like they are bring the tanks through the forest to chase us down Sarge."
"No shit Captain Obvious. How about you set a couple of those firebombs I know you are carrying and we leave them a small surprise Pryo." Joe retorted. Pyro threw one to Landes and they both quickly set them up before the squad started moving for the LZ. Joe tapped a couple buttons on his PAD and Started speaking into his radio, "Valkyrie Two-Five, Valkyrie Two-Five, this is Council Worker, Come in over."
"Council Worker this is Two-Five. Can I assume that bang I just saw was you? Over."
"Sure was Two-Five, you'll see another one soon. Seems the Athargon decided to move a convoy down that road, we blew it early and now have company. Might need to call in the flyboys over."
"Copy that Council Worker, Sending Intel and request up the chain now. ETA to LZ is ten minutes. You boys better move fast over."
"Copy that Two-Five. We should be at the LZ in ten. Hopefully the small surprise we left will slow down the tangos. Over and out."

The Valkyrie touched down just as the squad entered the LZ. They quickly moved to the transport and got on board, a flare could just be seen in the distance. "Seems they aren't moving that quick Sarge."
"They'll be moving even slower now Pyro. Good to see you Two-Five, better get us out of here."
"Trust me, we're going to move. Got word just before we touched down, a pair of Garudas and a flight of Harpies are inbound. What ever is down here is about to get a very rude shock and I don't want to be around when it happens." Joe couldn't agree more as the Valkyrie took off.

Offline Narric

  • Daemon Master
  • Board Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 5051
  • Karma 12
    • View Profile
    • Blog
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2014, 10:26:54 AM »
Its a good read, but feels to be missing a chuck on story. That could just be the time gap at the final paragraph.

The dialogue seems a little choppy. I'd recommend you start a new paragraph whenever someone talks, as the dialogue just emlts into everything else. There are also points where the speaker changes who they're talking to, and without a small break such as (the command turned to the pilot) it seems like the character just talks to people without looking at them, or even if they're anywhere near them.

Thats just my thoughts :P ;)
2016
Models built (by # of bases)=22
Models painting (by # of bases)=5

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2014, 03:21:49 AM »
Sunrise


It was just before dawn and the sky was dark and clear. Stars could be seen clearly in the sky, while the horizon was just starting to colour. The Emerald Rose was carefully moored to a couple trees deep in the valley. The men on watch were shuffling and stamping their feet, trying to stay warm and alert. The mountains in this region were know for their monsters and bandits. A tall man appeared on deck from below, and moved to the edge of the ship. He lowered the rope ladder like he had ever morning and started climbing down. A couple crew members turned to look and watched him climb down. He'd insisted to be allowed off the Rose every morning before dawn.

He quickly found a small clearing on a hill with a view down the valley to horizon the sun would appear from. He sat cross-legged facing the sunrise and started mediating. Five wolves walked into the clearing and sniffed at him as they went past but paid him no heed. The sun crested the horizon and the light fell on his face inside his robes, though anyone looking at him would of never known, the robes magically obscuring his face from view.


He had been there for an hour when a rustling sound caught his attention. "Thou are a shite ninja Cat."
"Few can sneak up on a druid in nature."
The druid smiled within his hood before replying, "That is true but I wouldn't have needed my abilities to here you coming."
Wisely, the Catperson let the matter slide, "The captain is eager to get under way, he says there will be a storm tonight. A bad one."
The druid sighed before standing up, "Yes, I can feel it coming. Hopefully we can make our destination before it reaches the mountains."

They walked back to the ship in silence, the forest was still quiet and few animals were around. The sounds of the crew preparing the ship became louder and louder as they neared were it had been moored for the night. The Ninja breaking into a sprint and launching himself half way up the rope ladder, catching it deftly and climbing the rest of the way quickly. The Druid kept walking calmly towards the vessel. He started climbing the rope ladder only to feeling it start to rise with him. He looked up to see both the catman and the fighter he was travelling with pulling on the ladder. He held on and let them pull it up.

"I am more then capable of climbing up by myself."
"We know." Purred the Ninja, "But we needed the exercise." His grin was wide enough to show his fangs. The human merely grunted before heading below.





Doesn't feel complete but if I keep going it's going to become a mini novel. Plus I didn't actually have a plot. I just wanted to write something with a bit of descriptive text. Though I didn't end up doing much describing. :P

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #20 on: June 23, 2014, 08:20:24 AM »
Point of View.


The fighter banked steeply before rolling over into a dive, the pilot pushing the throttles forward, igniting the afterburner. The altimeter started counting backwards, quickly becoming a blur. The tone in his ear informed him the fighter had a lock on the Athargon fighter. He launched two missiles before pulling back on the stick. The fighters speed carried it down past the burning wreck of the enemy fighter before finally levelling out and then climbing again.

***

The Athargon throw his fighter into a roll as it reacted to it's wing mate's fighter exploding. The scream of the Human fighter passing the nose of it's own fighter was deafening compared to the engine of it's own fighter. It pulled out of the roll and swung around to follow the Human craft. It would have revenge for it's fallen wing mate.

***

The warning tone alerted him to the fact the second Athargon fighter had survived the brief encounter and was coming after him. He continued climbing, making sure the throttles were still firewalled. He pulled the stick back as the tone changed to a warble, the enemy fighter having a lock on his craft. He rolled the fighter as it began to dive again...

***

These humans were crazy it decided as it made sure it's fighter was lined up. The twin coilguns screaming as rounds flew at the human craft...

***

Shit. He swung the stick one way, pushing the rudder controls in the opposite direction to put it in a dangerous roll, just a couple seconds longer...


***


The human trooper looked up just in time to see both fighters explode high above. Contrails connecting both craft to each other and the path both had taken. It looked like it had been quiet a show.

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #21 on: June 25, 2014, 04:51:35 AM »
Frontlines.

Mud, water and shrapnel rained down on Joe as he sat in his foxhole. It was one of the rare times his squad was on the frontline and not behind them. He poked his head over the rim of the foxhole, he could just see the Athargon frontline. The roar of a couple of dozen big Praetorian MBTs and twice as many Centurion IFV half a kilometer back behind a series of hills. The rumble of the motors echoing up and down the lines. Dozens of Harpies and Athargon fighters screamed overhead in a massive melee dogfight. Dozens of ground based SAMs and Athargon AAA helped make the skies a dangerous place or both sides. Didn't help on the ground either in Joe's opinion as another fighter crashed down in no man's land, more mud and shrapnel raining down.

Joe looked up as a series of whistling sounds started. The Harpies had temporarily cleared the skies as the Garuda's started a bombing run on the enemy trenches. A dull roar like a freight train started coming closer from the Joe's left. It constantly grew in volume as it got closer, sounding like an angry Thunder God as it went past. Joe heard his radio click and then a message came through, "All squad leaders, prepare to attack."
The roar as the Praetorians and Centurions came over the hill seemed insignificant after the Garuda's bombing run, but it still rattled Joe's bones. He signalled to the squad in the foxhole with him to get ready and everyone started checking their weapons and equipment.

They all climbed out of their foxholes after the tanks raced past, weapons screaming like angry gods. There wasn't much of the Athargon's frontlines left after the bombing run, but they had reinforcements coming up from behind their lines. Joe saw several Harpies dive and strafe the enemy armour. The squad quickly jumped out of the foxhole and got behind the nearest tanks. The tanks armour started ringing as enemy troops fired on the advancing human vehicles. Joe's squad started looking around the sides of the tanks and firing themselves.

Several whip like cracks sounded as Athargon tanks started firing on the humans. A Praetorian exploded, the energy in the broken capacitors releasing in a spectacular pyrotechnic display and the tank started burning. One round went through two Centurions, both stopping, the second one covered in the blood of the poor troops in the first one, a trail leading out from the second.

The tank finally reached what was left of the Athargon lines and Joe's squad dropped into them, they had been tasked with finding any Intel in the area. Two Athargon soldiers broke out of hidden walls and Joe fired on both, his laser carbine spewing the single charge cells as the bolts impacted the enemy body armour. At such close range, it did little to dissipate the energy and both dropped, one squeezing the trigger on it's rifle as it fell. The round tore through Joe's left shoulder and he spun as he dropped to the ground. Joe pushed himself into a sitting position against the trench wall. He called for a medic over his radio as two of his squad started seeing to his shoulder, the rest of the squad moving forward through the rest of the trench, Pyro leading the way with his plasma torch.

Offline Narric

  • Daemon Master
  • Board Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 5051
  • Karma 12
    • View Profile
    • Blog
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #22 on: June 25, 2014, 08:13:44 AM »
Definately like Frontlines ;) Sunrise is interesting, as its not clear if its before or after the previous story involving the Emerald Rose. I assume if its after they've had tieme to make repairs?

Paragraph two of Point of View needs a little work ;) Though it is only my opinion.
"The Athargon threw his fighter into a roll as it reacted to it's wing mate's fighter exploding. The scream of the Human fighter passing the nose his own fighter was deafening compared to the engine of it's own fighter. He pulled out of the roll and swung around to follow the Human craft. He would have revenge for his fallen wing mate."

Other than that, good stuff ^_^
2016
Models built (by # of bases)=22
Models painting (by # of bases)=5

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #23 on: June 25, 2014, 08:48:04 AM »
I actually used it/it's on purpose, I didn't want to list a sex for the Athargon. Your right about that sentence, I'll fix that, eventually. :P

Sunrise could be either. So far, each story in that universe had been a stand alone.

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2014, 10:54:00 AM »
City Fight.

The building exploded out onto the street as the Athargon tank dueled with the Praetorian. The Athargon seemed to know exactly where the Praetorian was and Sergeant Callihan was both worried and annoyed. So far the Athargon had continued to miss but his crew hadn't hit it either. The city had only received minor damage until this attack but the humans needed it. Now, fires raged in several sectors and some buildings were on the verge of collapse.

The Praetorians turret tracked to where the Athargon tank had fired from but it had already moved. Callihan swore as the Praetorian lurched into motion again as another section of wall exploded outward. The wall on the other side of the street exploded inwards, the hypersonic round from the Athargon tank continuing through several more walls before finally embedding itself in the ground.The building between the dueling tanks groaned as rubble fell to the ground.

The Praetorian moved up to the next building before creating a new alleyway. Hopefully they could surprise the Athargon tank when they exited the building. They didn't, the wall just in front of them shattered as a round skipped off the front armour. The tank shifted about and the hull rang like a bell from the impact. The tank pushed it's way through the rubble that was the wall and raced into the street, the turret tracking as soon as it was clear. The target fired again, missing completely, it started moving as the laser in the Praetorian's turret fired. The wall behind the Athargon tank exploded as the moisture in the wall superheated. Callihan ordered his crew to stop and reverse their course as the enemy fired again. Callihan couldn't figure out how the Athargon was tracking them through the buildings.

His radio crackled as one of his squadron mates messaged him, "Callihan, we're heading your way, should be there in five."
"Roger that, be careful though, this guy is tracking through buildings." Two against one should even the odds he thought as the hull rang again from another glancing blow. The building between the two groaning as it started to collapse. The Praetorian raced away from the collapsing building, trying to not get caught in the rubble.

"Whoa! You weren't kidding about this guy tracking through buildings!"
Callihan looked at his battlefield display and looked at where his squadron mate was, the display said the Athargon tank was between the two tanks, not the best place to be. "Rang your hull did he? Done that to me a couple times. I should be able to take a shot if you keep him distracted."
"Roger that, just don't take too long"

The Praetorian roared as they smashed their way through the intervening building. They came out of the wall and slammed into the Athargon tank, pushing it into the next building. "Whoops. Guess he moved." The Praetorian started reversing as the laser started tracking as the tango broke free of the building and accelerated down the street. "Not this time." The laser fired, striking the Athargon tank squarely, melting through the rear armour and puncturing the capacitor banks for the magnetic accelerator. The energy arcing all over the tank and to the ground as it started to burn. Callihan smiled before activating his radio, "Tango down, who needs help?"



Reposted.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2014, 03:00:20 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #25 on: July 18, 2014, 08:55:06 AM »
Impact.

Klaxons blared as the crew of the Mining Vessel MV-602, Yawning Maw, raced to their stations. The helmsman slammed the ship sideways using every thrusters he could. The crew inside slammed into walls and each other at the sudden movement. The vessel dwarfed the unknown ship that just appeared from the FTL window. Both ships were manoeuvring to avoid each other now. The smaller vessel was far more agile then the mining barge, but in the tight confines of the asteroid belt, there wasn't much room.

The smaller vessel flashed past every window on the port side of the mining vessel. The crew of the Yawning Maw were starting to pick themselves and thanking their lucky stars to only be part of a near miss and not a collision this far out. The nearest vessel was their sister ship The Barnacle, which was several AU away spinward in the same belt. The unknown craft wasn't so lucky though. While it had managed to avoid the MV-602, it clipped an asteroid while trying to recover from the sudden manoeuvre and was venting atmosphere and fuel.

The small ship managed to avoid hitting any more asteroids and headed towards the only habitable planet in the system. The craft barely survived re-entry, leaving a trail of smoke and a sonic boom that broke windows in settlements it past over. It crashed into a forest on the largest mountain range, on the south eastern continent, not far from Ormill. The capital of the human colonies...

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #26 on: July 29, 2014, 01:39:18 PM »
Black Dawn.

The wonder drug. That's what everyone was calling it. The latest chemical concoction to save humanity. Everyone thought big pharmaceutical would be the ones to find it, but it actually came from some barely funded little lab, researching some little known disease. It cured the disease. And as always seems to happen, someone who had the disease and some other ailment, was cured of both. Which of course, caused more people to take it, one of them had something else as well. Well before you knew it, every research group, think tank and lab was researching what this drug, which was supposed just be a cure for one little known illness, could do.

It had another side effect, one everyone who took was very interested in keeping to themselves. It didn't just cute every virus know to man, plus a couple other types of infection, it also made them heal faster. Not just healing a cut in a day instead of a week kinda deal. People were regrowing muscle, bones, one even regrew an eye. Once this was found, it quickly find it's way onto the black market. Of course, the kinda people who sell these drugs off the books, aren't the most creative, the drug itself was a black chemical, and it was the dawn of a new age of health.

Black Dawn was the largest growing market, both legally, and illegally. It took a surprisingly long time for someone on the drug to actually die. A bike accident. Poor bastard was side swiped riding to work, came off the bike and landed on the side walk. How do you die from that you ask? A glass window was being replaced on the third story, one of the guys installing it lost his grip and then it was falling. Everyone calls Bullshit on that story but it's true. Talk about bad luck. Every newspaper, blogger and tv network carried the story for a week. And then it gets stranger.

You see, he didn't stay dead. Day of his funeral, guy starts breathing again. Didn't wake up though. Not long after that, two dozen more people were all in the same ward, all alive after dying, all breathing on their own but all appeared brain dead. Another month and hospitals all over the globe were dedicated to looking after the living dead. A month later, the unimaginable happened, the first guy woke up. He sat up in his bed, and promptly attacked the nurse that came to check on him.

Wasn't long after that they all started waking, but none of them were themselves. They acted more like dogs with rabies. That was two years ago. Most everyone who took it is dead now. See they are attracted to those who've had it. No-one I've spoken to can figure that one out. There are still some small communities around the place. People who survived, walled up their towns, the odd wack job compound, I even heard about a group living on an aircraft carrier. Anything that might keep the zombies from getting in.

Offline Narric

  • Daemon Master
  • Board Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 5051
  • Karma 12
    • View Profile
    • Blog
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #27 on: July 29, 2014, 05:28:32 PM »
These three are your best yet in my opinion ;) If you feel like sketching, I'd definately want to model the tanks ;)

Now for critism :P

City Fight
P1, last senteance: "....and done buildings were...."
Did you mean "and dozens of buildings were" ?

You use "As" an awful lot. I'm sure there are other examples. Try to use different words to extend a sentence. A good replacement for "as" could be "whilst."

The story as a whole feels the perfect level of intense. I could also easily imagine the scenes playing out, and I'm sure some design sketchs for the tanks could improve that for everyone ;)

Impact
This feels very prequel to all the other Human vs Athargon stories. Will it be expanded upon?

Again, an exceptionally good piece, even for the length.

Black Dawn
Script the movie, now ;)
2016
Models built (by # of bases)=22
Models painting (by # of bases)=5

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #28 on: July 29, 2014, 11:30:27 PM »
City fight, nope, some is the word I wanted., I'll fix that later. I didn't actually proof read that one. Yeah, I do use some words to much, it's how i think.

Impact, that's exactly what it is. :P it's the direct prequel to another story.

Black Dawn, it's a background setting for a game I've been working on for a couple years.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2014, 03:00:55 AM by Tybalt Defet »

Offline InsaneTD

  • Insanest of all
  • Shas'Vre
  • ******
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma 3
  • Black Wolf
    • View Profile
    • I did a thing...
Re: TD's Collected Shorts.
« Reply #29 on: July 30, 2014, 12:27:38 PM »
Never bring a Knife to a Gunfight.

The smell of smoke hung in the air as Terri made her way through the tunnel. She'd been separated from the rest of her squad when something had impacted the front of the building she had been about to enter. That promptly slid down into the road, which had been damaged in the earlier fighting and collapsed, dropping her into the underground. Her rifle had been partially buried and damaged by the rubble leaving her with just her knives. Landes was glad she had snuck her extra knives past Joe when they had geared up back at barracks.

Carefully, she climbed a ladder leading up to another level of the subway system. She had seen signs of the Sparkies but hadn't run into them so far. A crackling sound told her that her luck had just ran out and she quickly dived into a service closet. Several more crackling noises where heard and and she fought not to scream after a shock passed through the door handle, in to her elbow. Once she was sure she wasn't going to cry out, she carefully tested the elbow. The noise had stopped and she carefully cracked the door open, when nothing attacked, she crept out. Moving in the direction the noises had gone.

The combat knife whispered from the scabbard and Terri enjoyed the weight and balance of the weapon. Checking carefully around a corner, she saw two of the Sparkies standing halfway down the hall. She wasn't going to sneak up on these two down the corridor. One was standing on one side facing her, while the other was a meter and a half in front of the first, looking the other way. Both could clearly see each other and the corridor. There was whip crack sound and a spark leap from one of the Sparkies onto a nearby pipe.

Back around the corner, Terri looked up at the piping and conduits attached to the ceiling. She quickly figured she could get up there and crawl along it. Jumping, she caught the pipe just as there was another snapping noise and her hands tingled for a moment. The pipe was cold under her hands as she pulled herself up onto it. The cable run next to the pipe was wide enough she could crawl along it. It wasn't long before the first Sparky was underneath her and she drew two combat knifes. Carefully slipping one up her sleeve, she then moved off the run and over the creature. They are bloody big, Landes thought just before letting herself drop.

The unexpected weight forced the big monster to it's knees and Terri whipped her arm forward. The thrown knife didn't get passed the gorget around the Sparkies neck but it did surprise it long enough for her to pull the hidden blade from her sleeve. She jammed it under the shoulder holding the Sparky's Mag Rifle and she swung both the arm and the weapon to point at the Monster that was just recovering.

Three whip cracks sounded and resounded in the cramped corridor as the Mag Rifle fired. The first round punched through the Arthargon's chest, the second through it's neck and the last impacted the ceiling. Terri was still moving and pulled her last combat knife, hidden in her boot. She'd dropped to the ground as she had pulled the trigger on the Mag Rifle and slammed the blade into the Sparky's back, slicing the spine. The big creature finished dropping to the ground and then tried swiping her with it's good arm. Landes, had already launched herself towards the already dead Arthargon and picked up it's rifle. "Benny could probably use this better then me", Terri mumbled as she hefted the weapon and pulled the trigger. Another trio of whip cracks echoed up and down the corridor again as the first Sparky had parts of him blown through the floor into the level below.

Terri laid still on her back where she had been thrown by firing the Mag Rifle and listened as the echoes died away. She couldn't hear anyone running or any shouting. Climbing to her feet, she pulled her knives from the corpses and then collected the pistols from both. She made it the rest of the way through the tunnels and was relieved when her radio crackled back to life. "Landes is still missing?"
"Yes Sarge, hope she didn't get buried by that building."
"Landes? Buried? We wouldn't be that lucky."
"I love you too Pyro. Now why don't you shut up and let me tell you bastards where I am?" Terri whispered into her throat mike.
She could hear the laughter in Joe's voice and as he replied to her message, "Good to hear from you Specialist, What happened to you?"
"The road beneath me collapsed and dumped me in the subway. Seems the Sparkies are guarding it and I may need some help getting out of here." Terri looked at the wall next to her, "Seems I'm close to the 5th and 8th station."
"Roger that Landes. Say Pyro, why don't you, Benny and a couple others go into that Station and rescue our wayward Specialist."
Terri Smiled as she heard what should of been Pyro's barely heard mumbling came clearly over the radio.



Please excuse any grammar or spelling errors. While I did check the spelling, I didn't proof read it.

 

anything